Worried it will cause trouble due to money? (destination wedding)?

May 30th, 2011

We are planning a destination wedding for October 2011.
I have already let our guest know about the date, so they can plan their lives. We are only inviting parents, siblings, grandparents & our 5 closest friends as our bridal party. The guest will have to pay for their trip. (from PA to SC) Also their stay at the hotel. We found an amazing hotel that will do rooms from $129, $109 or $99 a night plus tax. We are paying for their breakfast every morning. 2-3 nights thats up the guest. That room rate will only be available for 3 nights max. Also we are paying for the meal the night of our wedding & all the alcohol. Also the day of our wedding we will have a trolly so they won’t have to drive. The hotel has a driving service for free back & forth to the airport if they chose to fly. If they do chose to fly there is a local airport the flies to the airport right beside the hotel for $59 plus tax & bag fee.
We are having a BBQ reception at home 2 weeks after our wedding (thrown by my parents) for the rest of our family’s we aren’t inviting to the wedding on the beach. About 140 people. 2 members of the bridal party said they can’t make that. This 1 sister won’t be able to either. Thats fine.

I was told we were being very rude asking people to pay for all this. Is all that asking to much?
The bridal party is paying for their outfits that day. (girls are picking their dress in my color so they are picking the price) The girls are paying for their hair too. I just asked if they don’t get their nails done that they painted at least white or something along those lines. Same with hair the girls can do that themselves to save the money.

My bridal party isn’t the 1 that is complaining.
They don’t have to fly but its an option. My parents & grandma are flying but other wise everyone else is driving. Its 11-13 hours to drive.
WOW you people don’t read at all! Some just want to be jerks! READ THE WHOLE QUESTION BEFORE ANSWERING!!!!

We are NOT having 140 people to our beach wedding….its more like 20-25 people. The 140 people is the BBQ my parents are throwing. We are getting our bridal party (our bridesmaids/groomsman) a 30 min. massage. A bridal party isn’t a special get together wtf!
We are NOT getting married in Hawaii we are getting married in South Carolina. Hawaii was used as a reference.
Craftygirl7— I understand your point of wanting your whole family there. But to be honest I haven’t seen some of my family in over 2 years. ( at 1 of my other cousins weddings a cousin I dislike alot I’m not even inviting her to our BBQ) My dad is 1 of 7 my mom is 1 of 5 all married with kids some little kids. Little distinctive kids. My fiance has about 20 people from his family coming. Its not fair for everything & everyone to be about me Our BBQ is going to be no one under 21. That was the only way we could have any alcohol at the hall we chose. That also cuts about 20 people off our list. A few other people have asked if the could come. They were not on our list to start with but since they asked we are going to see about inviting them. SO the people that we want there & the people that make the effort will be there! NO MATTER WHAT!!

13 Responses to “Worried it will cause trouble due to money? (destination wedding)?”

  1. Craftygirl7 says:

    Well, it’s really hard when people have destination weddings because the guest who attend those weddings get stuck having to pay money just to see you get married. That can be very expensive for some people. Some guest might not be able to afford the plane trip, the hotel, etc. Plus, they have to also pay for food and possibly a rental car if they chose not use the trolley system. Those little things do add up in price.

    What kind of stinks about your wedding plans is the fact that not everyone is invited to your wedding. Having a BBQ 2 weeks after your wedding sounds like a good idea. At the same time, I feel bad for the family members who can’t be at your wedding. I’m sure they want to see you get married too. When my aunt and uncle got married they wish that more family could have been at the wedding. They couldn’t afford it so they had to have a small wedding. When they had a wedding party several weeks after they got married, so many family members asked them why they weren’t invited to the wedding. My aunt and uncle had to be honest with them.

    You are asking your wedding party to pay for a lot of things for your destination wedding. You want them to pay for a plane flight, their hotel room (which isn’t that cheap), and you want the bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses. That is a lot of money for some people. I’ve stayed in a really nice hotel once for $60.00 a night. This hotel was a top of the line hotel.

    Since you’re going to stick with your idea about having your destination wedding, then you have to consider how your guest are going to react to the idea. Can they afford to see me get married? Do any of the guest need special consolidations? You need to think about your family. Will you regret not having your family at your wedding? I would be so disappointed if my cousins couldn’t see me get married. I love my cousins so much. I’ve been to their weddings and I want them at mine.

    I’m not a huge fan of destination weddings. When I got proposed to in May I thought about having my wedding somewhere else. Then I realized that I didn’t want my guest to have to fork out money just to see me get married. So I scratched that idea off my list. It would of probably been more expensive for me to get married somewhere other than where I live. I have decided to get married in my town because it will be cheaper for my fiance and I. Congrats to you on getting married!! I hope you have a great wedding and celebration afterwords.

  2. Bobby says:

    I don’t think this is rude. The costs seem reasonable, a lot less that flying to Hawaii or the Caribbean might be. You must realize that some people will not be able to afford to go, though. They can attend the later reception, I hope.

  3. nova_queen_28 says:

    Unfortunately, guests see lots of dollar signs when invited to a destination wedding and some are willing to speak their mind that it would be easier on them if you just did everything locally.

    This is one of the down sides to a destination wedding … the couple wants a pretty location for the wedding and are willing to pay for it, the guests may not be so inclined and they see it as “rude” because they feel as though the couple are pricing them out of being able to attend or just making it inconvenient for them. It really isn’t rude, but thats how people feel “it would be easier on ME if john & jane would just get married in PA”.

  4. Jayme W says:

    I agree with Bobby. If you were asking them to fly from PA to Hawaii, that’s a different story. But as you would expect with any out of town wedding, there will be hotel room and gas or plane ticket to get there. I wouldn’t expect the Bride and Groom to pay for my hotel (especially when they have a billion other things to pay for) and everything. Plus, its kind of like a mini vacation for them too. Most guests I know wouldn’t expect you to pay for that kind of stuff. P.S. you are being very generous in buying breakfast for them (can I come?) haha. just kidding

  5. Lady Kelly says:

    If it’s not the people attending who are complaining, then just tell the others to mind their own business.
    The others may be upset that they don’t get to see you get married, but if so they should just come out and say it. A party two weeks later isn’t a substitute for people who wanted to see you exchange vows, and while this is obviously your choice, don’t treat the “reception” as a consolation prize or a second chance to participate in your wedding. It may be fun, but it’s not part of your wedding.

  6. Tanqueray says:

    i don’t think your being rude. your giving everybody more then enough time to get their money together . when is the bridal party? i think your asking for a bit to much for the bridal party but i also say hey if they can’t do it then they need not come. wow you even told them what to paint their nails . if it was me i wouldn’t go to thebridal party

  7. rosie says:

    I don’t think it rude at all. They will go if they can afford it.

  8. Jilly says:

    I think you’re fine. The problem is that sometimes no matter what you do people are going to complain. In a perfect world where you have unlimited funds OF COURSE you’d fly all 140 people to the beach and pay for their hotel and give them an all expenses paid vacation. And even then someone would complain that you’re daring to be rude as to expect them to take time off of work. Seriously, you can’t please everyone.

    You’ve done your due diligence in making sure to find them the best deal possible. You’ve decided to have your wedding in Hawaii and if people don’t like it, they don’t have to go. You should always take your guests comfort into account, but you have done that as much as you are able. You are INVITING people to an event, not forcing them to go. If they can’t afford it, they can’t afford it.

  9. Avis B says:

    Have you ever heard the phrase . . “You cannot please all the people all the time.”

    Every guest has the right to accept or decline your wedding invitation. They can either pack their bags and have a great weekend OR they can complain complain complain about anything and everything. I wonder how they would react if you really had a destination wedding and the ceremony was taking place in Hawaii?

    Oh, by the way, you cannot have A RECEPTION two days or two weeks or two months after your wedding. A RECEPTION can only be held on your wedding day. You can have A PARTY or A CELEBRATION but A RECEPTION can only take place on the day you are married.

    Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant

  10. perfectvelvet says:

    Unless you are well off, guests to ANY wedding pay for their own transportation there, any hotel they have to stay in, their wedding attire, etc. You are not expected to pay for anything except the food and drink you offer them at the reception.

    Yes, you are asking a lot of your guests to fly somewhere else to get married: money, vacation time from their jobs, etc. But that’s your thing. Would you be okay if no one was able to come? If not, then you shouldn’t have a destination wedding.

  11. BBG says:

    If everyone is from all over the country and they have to travel anyways, it’s fine.

    If the vast majority of the guests live in PA and you expect everyone to trapse to another state, I think quite a few people are going to think that’s selfish of you even if they smile and don’t say a word.

    I’m not surprised the bridal party is fine with it – they are your CLOSEST friends.

    Of course you’re going to get grief from the people you are not as “close” with. They are interpreting your behavior to mean, “I am the center of the universe. If you want to grace me with your presence it’s going to cost you five days including 26 hours in the car and probably a grand by the time everything is paid for including gas, hotel, meals, and incidentals. And I want a GIFT too.”

    Do you want to burn a couple vacation days and a grand every time one of your cousins or fiance’s nephews gets married? Of course not. What makes you so special?

    I understand you think it’s “fine” if they don’t want to come. But to the guest it sounds a bit like a “screw you.”

    Destination weddings are usually TINY – not 140 guests.

    You could buy a HOUSE for what people are being expected to spend collectively.

    I suggest trimming the guest list a LOT.

  12. CindyLu says:

    You are not being rude at all. With a destination wedding it is customary for the couple to let guests know the date and an approximate cost about one year before the wedding. You seem to have that covered. Often when the hotel knows it is a destination wedding they will offer discounts to wedding guests that stay with them. You pay for the food and drink involved with wedding associated functions. Some couples will host a lunch or cocktail hour around the time most guests should be arriving but this is a courtesy that is totally up to the couple if they will do this or not.

    The whole point of giving the year’s advance notice is so that guests can save up and make the trip. The couple does NOT pay for the travel expenses of the guests, they do NOT pay for the hotel stay or for any meals that are not directly a part of the wedding festivities. Guests, bridal party members included, pay for their own travel, hotel, meals, attire and anything else they need to make the trip.

  13. denise says:

    I have been a guest at a destination wedding and am now planning my own destination wedding, and I can tell you that I LOVED the destination wedding I went to and in no way did I feel pressured or irritated by the money or the travel. The bride and groom in that wedding only planned to invite a very small number of people, but they had probably twice the number of people they planned because everyone loved the idea. Most people turned it into their summer trip and stayed a few extra days and we all had a BLAST! Sure, there were people who couldn’t go, but this idea that Cousin Fred who you haven’t seen or talked to in 3 years is somehow owed the opportunity to watch you get married is ludicrous! This is your wedding and you should do what makes you and your fiancee happy. In my situation we were worried because my fiancee’s folks are retired and don’t have a lot of disposable income, but it is absolutely necessary that they come so we are all chipping in (me, my finacee, my parents, etc.) to cover their plane and hotel. Sure there are some people who won’t be able to come, but the important people in my life will be there one way or another.

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