Why is my BRAND NEW husband distant right before and after the wedding?

June 25th, 2011

My Husband of three weeks is distant, not wanting sexual relations, being quiet and becoming irritated when I ask him what is wrong. He has also been drinking a lot more than normal, and when he does he gets insecure with me and asks me over and over if I really love him and everything I say is me doubting him. The next day he is closed tight and says nothing. Its like living with two different people and I am getting frustrated. He never did any of this before.

We were so close and finishing each other sentences before we were married, always laughing, so much in common and a great sex life. Why is he acting so weird? He is the one who insisted on moving the date up by two months so I am not sure if the issue of not being ready to marry is pertinant, but possible I suppose.

He says he is stressed, trying to find a job, and this may be true, but it was like that before the wedding. The economy has taken him for a ride.

I love him very much and feel like he abandoned me.

This behavior started about two weeks before the wedding. I think his ego is causing problems and not sure how to help him.

I am just very sad and afraid I might have made a mistake with his behavior. Just a phase or what?

5 Responses to “Why is my BRAND NEW husband distant right before and after the wedding?”

  1. bestever! says:

    its probably a phase or he did something stupid before you guys got married and is afraid to tell you about it which could be a reason he pushed the date up. Id let him know that what ever is bothering him you are here to support him through anything and if he is ready to talk you will always be there to listen with no judgment.

  2. yashQAme says:

    He is what? A “brand new” husband? Is it like he is a new pair of dress you just added to your dress collection?

  3. craig b says:

    Good luck.
    He hid his TRUE CHARACTER from you because he wanted something from you. What did he want?
    He wanted free sex. Now married, it’s not really FREE anymore. There is a HUGE price to be paid for that from now on and he doesn’t want any part of that.
    How could you have ever known his true character with regards to sex?


    By NOT handing out free sex before you were married! Didn’t your mommy tell you to NOT have sex before you were married?

    In doing so, you TOLD him the only thing you wanted was a sexual relationship. THIS IS WHAT YOU PROVED! Now married, your relationship is still based on SEX! It can be about NOTHING else!
    And once the sex goes, the whole relationship goes.
    But he doesn’t want sex anymore because the price is too high now.

    You created your own hell by not having good morals all along. All you wanted was sex. That’s what you PROVED!

    I said it – GOOD LUCK!
    This is NOT a phase! This is his TRUE CHARACTER!

  4. seljack says:

    I think that your husband may be worried out something and not communicating that to you. Check into his health or the health of one of his loved ones. Hang in there!

    Good Luck!

  5. shadowsdreamisman says:

    No school for marriage but of hard knocks. Sorry this one was SO soon.

    Great scene from They Might Be Giants with G. Scott playing a supposedly crazy but brilliant guy pretending to Sherlock Holmes. He’s taken for evaluation to a psych ward where the psych (Joanne Woodward) is trying to treat a man who’s been silent for 10 years. Scott looks closely at the man, holds his chin and says “Just look there. Stoic look. Brave countenance. Clearly a romantic. Are you Errol Flynn?” The man jumps up and says “I never thought anyone would guess.”

    Withdrawal problems in marriage are like that. They want to say what’s wrong but CAN’T. The reason isn’t important. They WON’T. Developing mind reading is important. Reading the marriage help books is good. No one has all cures – each has its own little help. Talk to married friends – this has happened to them for sure.

    Marriage is intimacy. Where that wasn’t enforced before you were married, it feels real “close” after. Your guy probably looks like he’s gasping for air and you’re not choking him. Might try to find something where he feels relaxed to associate marriage with feeling good. It feels very much boxed in for him right now.

    It can change. Hovering and hand wringing makes the closed in feeling worse. He is the guy you married. He just needs to get used to the closeness of being married.

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