Why can’t I have a wedding 10 years later?

April 29th, 2011

We were married by a retired judge almost 10 years ago. At that time it was the decision that we felt was best for our situation. My husband is in the Navy. We had a wedding planned, but that had to be canceled because of his orders. Since we’ve been married, we’ve been through 5 deployments, two births, one adoption, college & full-time job for me. We are moving back to the west coast for his last 4 years in the navy, and then he retires! This year we are finally planning our dream wedding. The guest list is to be our immediate families, and 4 close friends only. I finally get to say my vows in front of the Lord, and in front of our family and close friends. We are excited.

But I often see people saying that you can’t have a wedding if you’re already married, redo’s are tacky and tasteless, blah blah blah. Seriously people, what is wrong with having the wedding of your dreams? If you aren’t paying for it, what’s the big deal? And no we’ve told our family & friends no gifts. The gift of their presence is enough. And in case you’re wondering yes were paying for our families, lodging, transportation & food for the weekend. Our friends already live in California.

So please tell me why can’t I have the wedding of my dreams 10 years later? Please keep your comments polite and respectful, thanks.

15 Responses to “Why can’t I have a wedding 10 years later?”

  1. Steffy says:

    I love the idea of doing something like that, it’s so romantic & beautiful (:
    Tbh, people just don’t get how it feels not to get the perfect wedding first time round in my opinion. Hope you have a terrific day!

  2. Maggie says:

    I think you answered your own question lol But I agree with you that there is nothing wrong with having a matrimony ceremony after you have been legally married.

  3. Sapphirebullet says:

    There is nothing wrong with a vow renewal. But having a second wedding is like saying the first one didn’t take. It wasn’t good enough. It didn’t do the trick.
    You made the choice to get married by a judge. Maybe it was the best choice at the time, but it was still a choice. You made the choice to get married that way rather than a big formal affair. In life there are no second chances. No do-overs. You don’t get to rewrite history just because with the benefit of 10 years hindsight, you’re unhappy with the choice you made.
    Small, intimate vow renewals are sweet. Do-over weddings are a cry for attention.

  4. Halo Mom says:

    You can not have a wedding then year later

    You can have a vow-renewal
    That can be as casual or fancy as your like
    I have been to vow-renewal that take place in a church
    The couple in nice church clothes and a party in the back yard
    I have been to vow-renewal that are just as big and fancy as a wedding, with the Lady wearing a bridal dress
    I been to vow renewal some where in the middle of the two

    Most are done at 10 or 20 or 25 or 30 or 40 or 50
    My aunt had one at 25 and one at 50
    The 50 was much nicer than the 25
    Ten year is the start of when people have vow renewal

    You can, but you call it vow renewal

  5. iloveweddings says:

    Hi and congratulations!

    I take it that you will do as you please, so why ask?

    Here is the reason:
    You are MARRIED! You cannot have a “re-do.” Don’t you think many of us have had births, adoptions, deaths, college, and various other “life” issues? The military is your husband’s career, just as anyone else chooses their career. And, yes, I DO thank him for his service. (I come from a military family.)

    Why is it “such a big deal” as you say? Well, it’s this. You seem to think that you are entitled. You made your decision as did the rest of us. There are many things in this life that I wish I could do over, but the simple fact of the matter is …..I can’t! I must move on and accept my decisions as should you. Isn’t that called “life?”

    Have a 10 year anniversary party, but please don’t call it a wedding.

  6. truefirstedition says:

    Well, you can’t. The definition of a wedding is a ceremony during which two people become married. You’re already married. Your wedding was that day in the courthouse where you legally wed the man you love.

    In terms of taste, I hate what a fake wedding re-do implies about the couple. They’re basically saying, “Those first ten years of our marriage didn’t really count because no one dressed like a princess. It’s more important to me to be a bride than to be a wife.” It strikes me as very immature and, as a guest, it would make me feel very uncomfortable in terms of what it says about the couple’s priorities.

    And then there’s the whole “wedding of your dreams.” What does that even mean? Everyone is entitled to be married – no one is entitled to a party. If you decided for whatever reason that getting married was more important than having a big party, I think that’s awesome. But it’s just kind of sad when you try to capture a moment that’s already passed – an adult woman playing dress-up doesn’t scream eternal love and devotion to me. And can you really get back that day? If your birthday is in April and you have a party in December, is it really going to feel like a satisfying birthday party?

    There are some experiences that we get to have once. You can’t go back and have another prom because you didn’t like your dress the first time. You can’t re-sign the contract on your first home because you didn’t have cake afterward. You can’t rebirth your children because you didn’t get enough flowers sent to your hospital room the first time around. There’s something cheap about trying to recreate a singular experience — like getting married — no matter how much money you spend on the sham party.

    Why not throw yourselves a kick-@$$ anniversary bash/retirement party? Why do you feel the need to dress up as a bride when you’ve been a wife for 10 years? Why do you need people to watch a sham ceremony to validate your marriage? Those are the questions that I would be asking myself if I were in your shoes.

  7. La Vie Boheme says:

    The thing you are forgetting is that you ARE already married so it’s impossible to have a wedding. A wedding is when 2 people exchange vows and their union becomes legal. You’ve already done that. You can’t become “legal” again if you already are. There is no reason however why you can’t to a vow renewal..but it still won’t be a wedding.

  8. A. says:

    i think vow renewals are beautiful and the very opposite of tacky!
    youre even paying for your guests to attend which is a lovely gesture.
    with such high divorce rates its wonderful to see a couple last more than 2 years together!
    i say go for it
    just tell anyone who knocks it that they dont have to come, especially since they dont feel celebrating your marriage is important

  9. Ms. X says:

    The answer to your question is clear 3 words into the details: Because you are married. Yes, I’m of the school of thought that pretend weddings/re dos are tacky and tasteless. There’s something about married adults wearing wedding gowns and tuxedos, having a pretend wedding that I find tasteless and mocking of real weddings. Weddings are reserved for the unmarried to get married, not for the married to pretend they’re getting married.

    There’s nothing wrong with a nice anniversary party perhaps with vow renewal, devoid of wedding gowns, bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girls, ring bearers, tossing the bouquet and other wedding trappings.

    Thumbs up to True First Edition’s answer which is beautifully written.

  10. NinaPina says:

    Everyone else seems to get it. You cannot get married because you are already married. That occurred ten years ago. You cannot go back. Now a fun anniversary party, that you can do. Just do not do it like a wedding. Best regards!

    You should listen to the other posters. They explained it well.

  11. Liz says:

    You can’t get married again for the simple reason that you are already married. There is no such thing as getting “more married”. What you want is a re-do of your original wedding but it would be completely fake and meaningless. You made a choice at the time to get married quickly and do without all the fancy stuff like big dress, bridal showers, cake, bridesmaids, etc. I know you regret that decision now, but you really need to try and learn to live with your decisions. After ten years of marriage and several children, I’m guessing you’re not a teenager anymore. Part of being an adult is to accept choices made in the past and making your peace with them. My advice to you is to stop focusing on this one day that wasn’t everything you dreamed for it to be, and remember the precious moments you have had in the ten years since then – and hopefully in many more years to come.

  12. Kelly says:

    The simple answer is you can’t get married if you are already married.

    Do you not realize a court house wedding IS a real, authentic, genuine wedding? Its the real deal.

    The wedding is the legal end of things, which requires a groom, a bride (or in some cases 2 of each), an officiant, a marriage license and 1-2 witnesses. You can only have one wedding per spouse. The wedding is when you get married, anything after that is not a wedding.

    What you can have is a vow renewal ceremony or a anniversary party, but not a wedding.

    A vow renewal: Not a wedding because there are no legal ends to it, you don’t need a marriage license or any witnesses since you’re already married.

    If you decide at a later date to have a celebration, you will be having a vow renewal ceremony, not a wedding. It can be as small or as elaborate as you wish. It is similar to a wedding but not actually a wedding since you’re already married.

    Some people though, will see it as a redo since you didn’t have a “proper” wedding to begin with. Some will look down on this, most hopefully will be happy to share your joy with you.

    If you’re already married and went to the court house, you can have a celebration but its not a wedding ceremony. The reason doesn’t matter, you chose your method to get married.

    You have the right idea of how to do it tastefully, but need to realize its a vow renewal not a wedding.

  13. Resist Wedding Industry Lies says:

    What is wrong with having a bon voyage party when you aren’t going anywhere? What is wrong with having a graduation party when you weren’t graduated? What is wrong with having a funeral for a person who hasn’t died yet?

    A wedding happens if and only if there is a MARRIAGE taking place. To have a sort of “wedding reinactment” simply for the sake of wearing nifty costumes, being the center of attention at a gala party, and collecting gifts is to devalue marriage itself, to ridicule matrimony. By all means have a wonderful party with fancy food, a fabulous new dress, live music, hired limo, and so on, but call it an anniversary party, a birthday party, a ‘we are stil in love’ party, or whatever, because you can CALL it a wedding all you want but that doesn’t MAKE it a wedding.

  14. Sherri Nurse says:

    It would be a vow renewal and my answer will not be popular but I say go for it! Who cares what the experts say on here. IT is your life and love and they arent the judge and jury of your life you are. Life is short and can be tough at times so why not celebrate every chance you get!! Good luck.

  15. LO says:

    I’m a military wife like you. I had a pretty rotten wedding day, and I can’t go back to 2001 and change what happened. I think what the correct term here is vow renewal like a lot of posters have said. You had the wedding that you wanted at the time. I think it’s great that you are finally getting what you want, but remember it really is a vow renewal not the actual wedding. I hope you don’t this answer offensive.

RSS feed for comments on this post. And trackBack URL.