what exactly is the obsession against sex before marriage?

April 9th, 2010

” I think its GREAT that you are saving yourself for your wedding night. I think this world would be a better place if there where more women like you in it. I did a survey once and found that men like women with experience for “Sex”, they want to marry a women who has saved herself for someone special.” That was a comment someone left on another question and i am just surprised that latelly i hear it so often that women are saving themselves. Mind you almost all marriages that i know of where a wife was a virgin or a man was have fallen appart. I mean really you wouldnt buy a car without taking it for a test drive, why is it ok to pick a man without :”test driving him”. I am married very happily neither one of us was a virgin. so i guess i am missing something in this whole thing about “save yourself for someone special”. any thoughts? can someone explain it to me? i mean why would anyone want to be with a person they dont know anything about in that sence?
i am sorry i am not into bible to that extend. i think what is a sin is to marry someone and then always wonder what other things are out there since you never tried them. and i never said all virgin marriages fail i said all that i know have. i am sure there are success stories out there. i just dont know about them.
i married someone who had sex before, so did i… I HAVE NEVER EVER COMPARED HIM TO ANYONE and i know he hasnt either. and yes it takes sex to get to know the person. sex changes relationships, it takes them to a level where you need to commit or move on. it actually tells a lot about a person.
just so we clear i am not judging people who want to “gift” their virginity. i am just asking for an explanation as to why??? so please dont compare me to hoes that spread diseases and things like that. i am talking about normal women who have sex with men they love. which is what i did.
some people seem to miss the point. I am a female, i am married. so i am not making out with anyone jsut trying to understand something that i dont. thats all

14 Responses to “what exactly is the obsession against sex before marriage?”

  1. gapipkin says:

    Its not an “obsession” its a sin. Fornication is a sin. Sex is permitted inside of a marriage only.

  2. BURT says:

    My parents were when they got married and they are still together…and I can find lots of people who werent and they got divoriced….

  3. dirtycurty9 says:

    It’s probably a mental thing. Maybe some people think that unless their spouse was a virgin then they are somehow “tainted.” I don’t know. Doesn’t make sense. I’ve been arguing this with my best friend who is marrying a virgin in December. I’m glad that women are going to “test-drive” me though cuz I’m gonna test-drive them right back.

  4. bithertybop says:

    Maybe because if they did have sex before marriage they might get pregnant. My parents for example. Got pregnant before they even thought of marriage and had me. There you go.

  5. Kitty says:

    I can’t explain it to you being that I don’t get it myself. There are lots of things that are “special” in a relationship, but to me it doesn’t mean that I can only share them with a person after signing a marriage license. I think, heart-to-heart conversations are very special, and can be an intimate experience – but I can’t imagine “saving” these conversations for “after we’re married”. My relationship with my husband is special because of the intimacy and trust we share on a much deeper level than sex.

  6. American Beauty says:

    Why does this concern you? If you and your spouse weren’t virgins when you married, and you’re happy, why concern yourself with something that doesn’t involve you? Makes no sense.

  7. 4 more weeks!!! says:



  8. Pequen says:

    I did not know it took sex to actually know someone. You have the wrong idea. Biblically speaking and ifyou are sincerely religious, fornication is wrong so a true christian would want to save themselves. Both male and female equally should. That way also, you can be safe from possible disease. Also, when you get married to someone that has has sex mutiple times before with different women or vise versa, that person always seems to compare as to how that person measures up against previous relationship. Not good. So when two virgins get married, then they can grow together and not be comparing.

  9. wild_orchid_tx36 says:

    I definitely agree with your point of view – but to help answer your question:

    To some, particularly in the religious sector, sex is a sacred act between a husband and wife. To have sex before marriage is considered a sin and therefore, something to avoid.

    To others its the ulimate gift to give your spouse, a sign of how important this person is to you – that you have saved the most intimate act for them.

    Still others feel they wouldn’t be able to handle, knowing others of been there.

    And of course there is the risk of an unwanted pregnancy, the risk of spreading disease, etc.

    All that said – I still believe that a happy marriage is the one where you do what is right for you. My husband and I actually had sex soon after meeting and we have been happily married for 20 yrs.

  10. isla says:

    it’s not an obsession it’s a decison!!! you better respect it. if you and your wife are happily married and neither one of are virgin, good for you! don’t stress yourself minding anybody’s business.

  11. BABY-FACED says:

    it’s a sin…FORNICATION….follow me on this one..Fornication Under Carnal Knowledge…spell out the caps on each word…that’s where the word comes from and means…F&^k !!

  12. Giovanni Geezus says:

    I also know someone who “saved herself” for marriage. And now she’s extremely disappointed. Following the Bible’s advice, she’s wound up with a man who doesn’t enjoy sex and they only have sex once a month or so, if that, and it’s never any good. And it’s driving her nuts. Almost to the point of divorce. (Which I guess Bible-thumpers would say is also a sin).

  13. gordie1 says:

    I think for some of us that have been married for a long time [15yrs] in my case. You look back on your life and think in what way did having sex before marriage help me to be a better husband. But i really can’t find any positives.
    I wonder what was it all for? Did it make me a better lover i don;t really think so. When i make love to my wife i am not pulling out some old trick that a girl taught me yrs ago i am making love to her the way that she desires it,different from any other person.
    So i wonder why did i give my virginity to a nameless faceless girl so long ago that i can’t even remember her. I wish now that i had saved myself for the woman that i truly love. What a wonderful gift to give the one you love.
    As for trying something before you buy i think that is really just a misguided saying just because sex with someone is good in the beginning does not mean that it will carry on through out the marriage. hence the amount of cheating that goes on.

  14. aneesa z says:

    well its a big sin i hope your not makeing out with girl are u?

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