Weddings on the same day!!!?

May 5th, 2011

A very good family friend (let’s call her Amy) of mine just got engaged over the holidays… so did I. We used to be really close when we were kids, but she moved up north and i hardly see her any more (our parents stay in close touch though). I found out that she was engaged when I announced my engagement to my parents.

Me: mom I’m engaged!
Mom: Congrats honey! oh you know Amy just got engaged yesterday too!

Whatever that didn’t bother me. Just last week my mom, Fiance and I went looking for ceremony sites and reception venues. The next day my mom tells me that Amy was thinking about having her wedding here in the valley and might do it at the same venues. This irked me a little but I thought no big deal, if the weddings are a few months a part no one will care. 3 days ago my Fiance and I booked our officiant for a date in 2012. This date is really significant to us because it is the anniversary of our first date and we thought it would be cute to get married on the same day. After meeting with the officiant my mom told me that Amy and her Fiance want to get married on THE EXACT SAME DAY because it is THEIR anniversary too… I might be crazy but the number of coincidences in this situation is getting a little out of hand.

Long story short I was peeved. I didn’t want to change my date because it wouldn’t be what i wanted. I’m only planning on getting married once and I don’t want to compromise too much and be disappointed when i look back on it. I spoke with Amy on the phone today, we both congratulated each other and laughed about how crazy the whole thing is, but neither of us wanted to talk about the whole “date” dilemma. I don’t want to switch my date but I want them to be at my wedding.

I’ll be having dinner with Amy and her Fiance in about a week. PLEASE HELP! How do I have this conversation without offending anyone? Is there a polite way for me to ask her to move her date to the following week?

7 Responses to “Weddings on the same day!!!?”

  1. Bri says:

    Why don’t you change your date? It just seems too mean to insist that she change your date when you’re capable of changing yours.

  2. basketcase88 says:

    You say you hardly see her anymore, but you then say you want her to be at your wedding. The fact is, you guys have grown apart. Assuming the date you’ve chosen is a Saturday, then there’s only 52 of them in any given year, so the likelihood that other people get married on the same day as you do is pretty high. Yes, even someone that you know. When I got married, I called a good friend of mine from college up, to ask her to be a bridesmaid. Well, lo and behold, she had gotten engaged, and was planning her wedding on the same date (although we were going to be in different states). It happens. You congratulate each other and move on.

    You don’t have to change your date, but you shouldn’t expect her to change hers either. If you guys are looking at the same venues, then whoever shows up with the money in hand first will get the venue. Since you know she’s looking at the same venues, you need to know when the earliest you can book those venues is, and show up (in person) on those days with cash in your hand. That will trump any phone call and promise of a “check in the mail.” There is not any polite way that I know of for you to ask her to consider changing her date. I wouldn’t worry about it too much, at the early stages of planning, things frequently fall apart. Dates and locations get changed for a variety of reasons. I’d simply have dinner with them and not even bring up your weddings, except to congratulate each other.

    Good luck!

  3. NinaPina says:

    You should have a frank talk with Amy and her fiance. The weddings are not until next year. Amy may be still be considering other sites and dates. I am sure the two of you can work out something.

  4. my_2_cents says:

    If she says that her anniversary is the same day, and she’s getting married that day, it’ll be for the same reasons you are, and she’s not going to want to move her date, and you don’t want to either. She may even try to ask you the same thing. Sounds like it won’t happen.

    If neither of you are going to be willing to change the date, then I think you’re going to have to resign yourself to the fact that she won’t be attending. If she didn’t tell you all this herself, getting engaged, the venue choice and the date choice, as everything seems to have come from your Mum, maybe she doesn’t consider your friendship as highly as you do?

    By all means, ask, perhaps make a joke of it – “I don’t suppose I could convince you to change your date so you can come to my wedding?” – but be prepared for a no.

  5. Paula12481632 says:

    Why should either of you change? The day is significant for both of you, so neither of you want to change. You’re not super close, so there’s no real problem.

    I think you just need to accept that you won’t be at each others’ weddings, and that’s just how it is. It will maybe inconvenience your parents too, but again, that’s just how it is.

    Meet up for dinner after your weddings and look at photos etc, and perhaps invite both sets of parents too.

  6. Kelly says:

    Well one of you is going to need to give in, or not.

    If you aren’t willing to change your date, why should she?

    I had 2 cousins who decided to get married the same day and it was awful. They are also cousins, so it wasn’t like they didn’t know each other, neither of them would budge on their date. It put all of who would be invited to both weddings in a very difficult position. You had to pick which wedding to go to and based on that then you were picking or playing favorites. I was one of the few who made both ceremonies and showed up at both reception, and even with that it still sucked for us.

    You both are in the very early stages of your wedding planning so I see no reason why one of you can’t change your date. First dates, kisses, when you first met et are sentimental but sometimes also silly when planning a wedding date, I’ve always thought it sounded high school-ish. Your anniversary is going to be special to you no matter what day you get married on.

    If you’re not willing to switch your date, don’t expect her to. If neither of you will switch it then get used to the fact that you wont be at her wedding and she wont be at yours.

  7. Heidi says:

    You dont ask her to move it, I would just laugh it off and say soemtihng like ‘its too bad that we cant attend eachothers weddings since we will be busy with our own, crazy how that date is important to both of us, I hope the weather is good for us!” Its not fair for either one of you to ask the other to change the date if it is important to the both of you.

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