June 30th, 2011

So my fiance and I are getting married in two weeks! the issue we are facing right now is this:

as many of you probably understand wedding’s can be very expensive, so we set a budget and a limited amount of people we were planning on inviting. Once we factored in the immediate family ( not extended ) and close friends we started looking more into our familys ( aunts, uncles cousins ) The problem we had was that we were only able to invite certain family members because of the numbers. so both my fiance and myself did not invite some of the cousins we are not close to on one of our parents sides. His family had no problem with this and understood completely, my problem however happened because the cousins on my step dad’s side got offended. I guess what i’m looking for are honest opinions.. I know that families are important, but i did invite all the cousins and relatives on my mom’s side that i am close and grew up with, my mom married into this family when i was 11 years old, i have never been close to any of them. I hardly talk to any of them or even know anything about their life. The ones that were offended didn’t even know my fiance’s name!!!!! Sacrifices needed to be made and i honestly don’t feel terrible about not inviting some of these people, It seems like they just wanted to be invited because they weren’t invited.. if that makes any sense?… The invitations were sent out months ago and i only just got an e-mail from the one cousin now telling me how hurt she is that she wasn’t invited… ( she is 17)….. am i really all that horrible? i mean, i hardly know her and this is probably the only time she has talked to me since i was married into this family….


  1. jellybeancounter says:

    Those who are complaining can jump off a bridge, IMO. They are not owed an invitation. They’re only your family by a technicality, and you’re not close with them.

    I wouldn’t worry about this one second longer.

  2. Margot says:

    It isn’t that your step-dad’s entire family is up in arms and upset about being snubbed. You received an e-mail from a 17 year old. One 17 year old is not your step-dad’s entire family.

    Do you remember what it was like to be 17 years old. You didn’t have the emotional or life experiences to deal with the same things you can now. At 17, you think that anyone and everyone should be invited to the wedding of a family member. At your age, you know that financial resources are not endless and that you have to make sacrifices on the guest list and everything else. There is a huge maturation process that goes on from 17 – 24/25.

    Put yourself in the shoes of the 17 year old. While you were 11 when you joined the family, she was much younger when you joined the family. To her, you are her older cousin and to her there is no distinction in biology. To her you are her cousin not her step-cousin. And if you think about your own older cousins, you look up to them. As she does to you.

    Seventeen year olds are hurt and upset about everything and feel the need to express that hurt. She had an unrealistic expectation (that was reasonable to a 17 year old) that she would be invited to the wedding and she may have even looked at dresses to wear to the wedding.

    I need you to put yourself in the 17 year old’s shoes for a second just so you can be compassionate to her. Send her a kind e-mail telling her that you are sorry that she was hurt and that it was not your intention. Tell her something kind about her (like she is so beautiful, sweet, that you enjoy her outgoing personality). Also tell her how much you like having been included as a member of their family since your mom married step-dad. And tell her that you love step-dad. Saying these things are not a lie. They are a kindness and there is truth in kindness.

    If you don’t really know anything about 17 year old, your step-dad does. He can help you.

  3. Maybaby says:

    dont stress about it. i am invite pretty much my whole family but its pretty small…though i am not inviting a uncle on my moms side and his whole family. they found out when they didn’t get there invitations (there is family issues with my mom and them and i refuse to have them there) they havent said anything to me but my grandma is complaining but the best advice i got was from my dad, to ignore them its your day not there’s your the one spending time and money on the wedding for those you love and want to be there, don’t invite those who are not that close or special too you, its just money you should be spending.

  4. Jenny Lynne says:

    You did the right thing, people will be people, they don’t care and go their own way and live their lives, but let them think they have been slighted in the least way and boy, oh boy you hear about it, even if you haven’t kept in touch with them for years. There are just some people who thrive on things like this. Totally ignore. This one email, delete it as it should be, it is of no importance in the big picture and to me, if she was really upset, if it were me, I would have called—it is so easy to email and say this and that, but when you have to say it on the phone or face to face, it is different. Let it go. You did what you could and there will always be the ones that have something to say and she will probably never let you forget it, if at some point in the future you did happen to run into her. Let it go, get on with wedding, enjoy and have fun,it is the biggest day of your life, so don’t give this guff anymore thought.

  5. Janice 10 says:

    It is your wedding and you can invite who you choose to. Your cousin who is 17 is immature and not looking at it from your stand point. Go with what you want and feels right. Have a wonderful wedding day.

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