Wedding date clash..other bride a bully?

May 7th, 2011

Ok, so my fiance and I have been engaged for 6 months and are beginning to prepare our wedding. An aquaintance/friend of ours got engaged a couple of weeks ago and have begun planning straight away. We have had a particular date set for a while and the other bride has gone and booked on our date and is now telling people that I’m trying to compete which is really not me…to the point of it kinda being funny. I don’t really mind sharing the same date. We have separate venues and it would only affect a handful of guests who would be invited to both. The only problem is that my brother is a groomsman and the other groom wants him in the wedding (my brother will of course be at ours) but he other groomsmen doesn’t seem to want to put the foot down with his bride. My question is…how do I deal with this situation? How do I deal with the bullying? Do you think the other groom will put his foot down? I’m very easy going usually but the bullying and being made to feel is making me feel uptight? Should I just brush it off as there problem and how do I do that? Thanks in advance.I know it’s a long bunch of questions but any help/advice is appreciated.
By “being bullied” I mean writing nasty things on facebook. Not being bullied into doing anything. Just being bullied in general which just doesn’t feel right. I’m not bothered about our ‘guest clashes’…whoever comes comes…it’s about us getting married and that’s all that matters. Thanks for the advice so far! It’s great to hear other opinions

9 Responses to “Wedding date clash..other bride a bully?”

  1. Orla C says:

    Let your brother sort it out with the other groom, and continue to be light-hearted in your attitude to that other wedding. Best tactic, I think.

    Your brother would probably prefer to the at yours anyway, so I wouldn’t let it get to me if I were you.

    Hope you have a lovely day!

  2. krissylyn says:

    This has nothing to do with you. Your brother has the conflict with the dates, not you. Stay out of it.

  3. HIS! says:

    Your brother has already chosen to be at your wedding. It’s a non-point now. If the other groom continues to ask him, your brother can just laugh and explain that blood is thicker than water and if they change their date it’s okay to contact him about it again.

    This is your brother’s problem to solve. Don’t let it get to you.

    The bride is a piece of work, and just be thankful she’s not marrying your brother and you have to live with this the rest of your life.

  4. Messykatt says:

    Yuck. I can see why this is distracting, but remember: you can’t be bullied without your consent. I’m not sure what you mean about the other groomsmen “putting his foot down with his bride”, but the best course in these situations is refuse to engage. Wedding planning can be stressful as it is without allowing morons to get inside your head.

    I’d stop talking to both of them completely. Sure, you can laugh with your friends at her immaturity, but once you get in full swing on planning this, you won’t have the time or energy to let these people derail what you’re doing.

    Also, you have a fiance who’s going to be impacted by this. The more you can focus on him and the important issues (hint: these people don’t qualify), the less this will bother you. And it won’t help your relationship with him if you’re stressed and uptight. HE is what matters most.

  5. Blunt says:

    No one is bullying you, nor you have to “share” “your” day, you do not own the rights to a day.

    Your brother already decided to be at your wedding, so what is your big problem? The affected guests will decide on their own which wedding to attend and you have no say and no do in the matter.

    I’m sorry, but it is you the one trying to hoard all the people and attention. People can make up their own minds, ya know?

  6. Jilly says:

    I don’t really think you’re being bullied. I mean, no to dismiss your feelings or anything because I can tell this is frustrating for you, but it just seems like you’re dealing with a difficult person. She’s not harassing you or threatening you or (as far as I know) demanding that you change your wedding date through coercion – she’s just a lady you know who is having her wedding the same day as you are. It sounds like she’s sort of a gossip and annoying, but that’s not your problem.

    Your brother will come to your wedding. The other couple can ask him until they’re blue in the face (which sounds like a TREMENDOUS waste of time to me) but he’s made his choice. So it becomes a non issue. Again, that’s this other couple’s choice to waste their time and doesn’t effect your wedding.

    It’s really easy to get caught up in the drama of all of this. Weddings almost always lead to heightened emotions because they’re so personal. Every little thing that goes wrong feels like a personal affront because it’s such an intensely personal event. In a lot of ways, our wedding can actually become us just because of all the time and personal energy we put into it. It sounds like that might be what’s happening here. All you can do is be the bigger person and ignore it. Like all drama queens, she’ll eventually tire herself out and go looking for greener pastures and you’ll be left in peace. Everyone who knows you knows you aren’t competing with this woman, so I wouldn’t worry about it.

  7. Spindrift says:

    You realize she did this on purpose, that being said, your best course of action is none at all. Ignore her and your brother will ignore her and your wedding will be glorious. As to bullying, only those who allow it can be bullied. Just ignore her.

  8. Perse says:

    People can start up some odd behaviour when it comes to weddings! The competitive nature comes out of them. Sorry you have to deal with this.

    Just brush it off, really. I would try to keep wedding talk on the down low, you don’t want to let any information leak to the other bride because sounds like she will use it against you…probably copy you then claim you’re copying her. Some people. Hopefully your friends recognize what’s going on here, maybe one of them will set her straight.

    If you can limit time spent with this acquaintance, do so.

    Good luck 🙂

  9. ◦Lady2◦ says:

    I would just brush it off. Your brother is obviously going to pick his sister over a friend. If they really wanted him, they’d change the date. I would just ignore her bullying. Sounds like she is trying to hard to cause unneeded drama.

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