Very different people attending my wedding – should I assign seating?

June 18th, 2011

Someone just asked a question re: seating, which I’m not doing but it made me think . . . I’m going to have a bit of an odd mix at my wedding, which I hadn’t really thought about until now. My fiance and I are both caucasian, but he & his twin brother were adopted by a black woman (she just passed away) so all of his family is black. But then, my fiance has a couple friends coming that I think are a little white trash. One of them was invited to his Mom’s memorial service & he saw her picture and said “Dude, I didn’t know your Mom was black!” It was really awkward & inappropriate. And then I have lesbian friends and some of my fiance’s family has issues with gay people.

I know this sounds like we’re totally dysfunctional, ha ha! So, I had only planned to arrange seating for the wedding party, but now I’m wondering if the wrong people will mix & end up not enjoying themselves? Do you prefer seating when you go to a wedding? Are there people you’d rather not associate with?
Wow! So true. Thanks so much. There are things you guys are saying that had never even occurred to me.
Ugh! Looks like one more wedding chore for me LOL! Everyone here is right. I can’t believe I didn’t think of it before. I can just see my friend Michelle drinking wine w/ her little pinky out, talking about her Republican ideals & being seated next to LOUD & inappropriate Alex! Ha ha! That’s what Yahoo Answers is all about. Now I know what to do!

11 Responses to “Very different people attending my wedding – should I assign seating?”

  1. southern girl says:

    First, if it’ll make the day easier and less stressful for you, then do it. Itll be one less thing to worry about.
    Second, yes, I would appreciate someone taking the time to do that for me.

  2. Paula Christine says:

    Honestly – I think assigned seating just makes things easier and run more smoothly throughout. The problem many people run into with non-assigned seating is that people will only sit with who they know which can leave a lot of tables with only 4 or 5 people at them, and then single people and stragglers don’t feel comfortable sitting anywhere.

  3. kill_yr_television says:

    I’d much rather have assigned seating than be searching for an unclaimed place, being asked to move so small groups can sit together, and so on.

    You didn’t ask, but Miss Manners says that people who live under the same roof should NOT be seated together — supposedly, they see plenty of each other at home and will welcome the opportunity to converse with other people. Makes sense, but I usually see couples seated side by side.

  4. tricia123 says:

    we are having a seating chart because we dont want 1/2 the room to be my side and 1/2 the room to be his side(the families dont know each other) so we are mixing everyone up. trying to put people together that we think might have something in common.
    If you dont want any arguing or people being rude to each other I would make a seating chart.
    Good Luck

  5. lalala says:

    It might be easier to have assigned seating. That way people aren’t “fighting” over seats. For example, a family of four might want to sit together but there may only be two or three chairs together.

  6. Prettytiffi says:

    definitely it will make things easier for you and there will be no stress in that area the last thing you want is a n upset at your wedding! You want the day to run smoothly and for everything to be happy and everyone joyous. You dont want your new in-laws to be upset at you because of your gay friends. So i think you should sit with your fiancee and ask him who in his family is tolerant of what and you need to see who in your family is tolerant of what. Also you dont want anyone to be offended by anything that anyone has said so be sure to pu the white trash by themselves to ensure a good wedding! Good luck with everything!

  7. stamper says:

    You know now you get me thinking the same thing. I wasn’t planning assigned seating either, I have never been to a wedding with it so I can’t say that I prefer it. I was just thinking everybody would prefer to choose their seats but it is true you may end up with too many empty seats at tables. I would think that most people stay with others they know. I have the same issue and now I am wondering should I do assigned seating after reading all the answers to your question. I am white but my fiance is mixed (black and white) so I will have a large mix of people, I don’t think that really matters in my case though. Everybody seems to get along pretty well.
    I think maybe you should do assigned seating unless you think everybody will hold their tongue at your wedding. I would think people could be respectful at your wedding but if not it may not be a bad idea to do assigned seating. Now I wonder how do you go about doing this. Maybe that will be the next question I can look for! Good Luck!

  8. La Vie Boheme says:

    If you feel like some of the people may not fit together well, you may feel like you need to have seating. I myself like seating cause I feel like it is a little more structured, and that you can put people who are similar together and start up some conversation.

  9. Michelle J says:

    As a guest, I feel much more comfortable with assigned seating. And I think in your situation, it would be a good idea. I’m not much of a mingler. I am not terribly comfortable sitting at a table with a bunch of people I don’t know. So, I’m really surprised at the other poster’s comment that Miss Manners says that people who live together shouldn’t sit together. I would be VERY upset if I went to a wedding with my boyfriend and we were seated at different tables!!

  10. sarah jane says:

    Assign seating! Even if everyone loves each other, not having assigned seating just causes confusion, and will disrupt the flow of your reception. I only ever attended one wedding that didn’t have assigned seating, and it was awful, people were scrambling for tables, pulling extra chairs up to tables so that they could sit with their friends- if you tell them where to sit, they will sit there and start enjoying the night right away. And you never know how people will get along, you might be surprised!

    Good luck.

  11. torit says:

    You can easily assign seating; my step-daughter did this last July for her wedding, and it was perfectly acceptable.

    My niece did not assign seating at her wedding in September, and it also was just fine.

    So, either way, it’s going to work out!

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