Should I step down as BFFs MOH due to financial hardship? Family of 3 on one income…?

May 13th, 2011

I have been BFFs with the bride since junior high. She is godmother to my child and now she is getting married to a wonderful man! My husband and I took them out on the town to celebrate their engagement the very next day. They asked me to be the MOH, my husband was asked to be a groomsmen, and our toddler to be a flower girl. We graciously accepted, even though we knew it was going to be a financial challenge, due to the attire, and the planning of bachelorette party, bridal party, etc. However, I just found out we are expecting with my doctor and we conceived a month before my friend’s enangament. I told her, and she didn’t express concern, as a matter of fact she din’t exactly express much of anything. I appologized for ruining her wedding she said not to worry about it. I tried to explain to her the financial situation and me possibly needing to step down because the finances and the baby on the way. She said she won’t take no for an answer, because she wants me there. What to do?
Thank you so much for everyone’s help and input. I came up with a “budget” and shared it with my friend. At no point did she offer to help out or decline my participation in any planning or financial responsability like some of you had suggested she might do. I’m really torn.

11 Responses to “Should I step down as BFFs MOH due to financial hardship? Family of 3 on one income…?”

  1. Sharon says:

    If she won’t take no for an answer than maybe she is prepared to help you with the financial end of it? My sister is my MOH and is still in college so I’ll be paying for her dress, accomodations, etc and knew that when I asked her and am fine with it. Sounds like you need to have an open conversation with the bride and get all of your concerns out on the table and she what she can offer. If she’s not willing to financially help you, then it would only be right to step down, but don’t step down until you know exactly where the bride stands.

  2. life*love*happiness says:

    tell her you will be there as a guest but the cost of the clothing, preperation and aprties will be too much of a toll on you both.

  3. pinkpanther says:

    well, unless shes planning on paying for the dresses for you, then why not. she need to understand that it would be impossible for you to participate. you can still help her, but tell her that she should consider someone else as her MOH. you’ll be too stressed out to be doing all those running around.

  4. Mela G says:

    Well if you’ve expressed to her that you can not afford it, she’ll have to take no for an answer unless she is willing to pay for your attire, if not then there really isn’t anything else to discuss, you didn’t ruin her wedding, you’ve created a beautiful new life and this pregnancy is nothing short of a blessing, her wedding will go on with or without you, so..just wish her well and be in attendance, doesn’t matter if you’re MOH or not, if she’s a true friend then she should understand your position.
    Good luck and congratulations..

  5. jaydee says:

    Your husband and yourself need to have the couple over for dinner and explain to them the financial challenges you are having and discuss what would be a good way to handle them.

    Everything will work out!

  6. Ashleigh S. says:

    Talk to her about your money situation.

    There are allot of ways around the money issue with weddings. If your friend knows that from the very beginning she’ll try hard to keep that in mind when she’s considering things for the wedding.

    My bridal shower was held at someones home. It cost my Maid of honor 58.00 because my mother made all the food.

    The bachelor party should be planned by the best man. No money there spent unless your hubby contributes.

    The attire. Again there are ways around this. If you have a couple of months before you dresses need to be paid for then save up for it. I’m sure you friend wants you to be apart of the wedding..Thus I’m sure if your not able to have all the money she’ll help you guys out with this.. If not then what kind of friend is she? You can also search ebay for the dress. That will cut the cost more then half!

    Don’t’ back out! Just do what you can and keep in constant contact with your Friend. Make sure she knows your situation. Tell her your going to do what you can as this is also important for you too.

    She’ll understand! Just talk to her!

  7. tersey562 says:

    Talk to the other bridesmaids and ask for their help. I’ve never heard that the MOH had to foot the bill all by herself for the bachelorette party. And just scrimp and save for your attire, etc. Have fun and enjoy your friend’s happiness and your own unexpected blessing as well! Good luck and God Bless.

  8. Luna says:

    i would clarify what “i won’t take no for an answer” means… if that means she is willing to help out or pay for certain things entirely than stay in (so long as you are comfortable being involved and being pregnant…), but make sure you are on the same page. you don’t want to be stuck a month before the wedding and your saying “well i told you i couldn’t afford this!” so clear it up now…. maybe someone else with throw the shower, the bachlorette party can be low key and she’ll help or pay for your attire. she sounds like she really wants you there so sit down with her and be open and up front about what she and you and your family can really do.

  9. science chick says:

    Let her know exaclty how much you can afford, and stick to your budget. See what she wants to do. I personally think that the Maid of Honor should be someone close to you that you want with your on your wedding day. Anything else is just icing on the cake to me. Soem people expect that the MOH spend a lot and put a lto fo time into planning. I see no problem with being MOH and not spending a cent, but you need to see what she wants. You could be a bridesmid, or brdiesmaid coudl tkae care of the expensive stuff. The two of you will figure something out that works for the two of you, just talk it over and see waht fits.

  10. D4Pres2012 says:

    why would you apologize? how would you be ruining her wedding by being pregnant? who cares. if she is willing to absorb some of the cost or tell her other bridesmaids to help out more, then stay in the wedding party. if you still think it’ll cost too much then step down before you start paying for and ordering dresses, because once you do that you’re stuck with the dress whether you wear it or not.

  11. Elsie says:

    If she understands you’re under a financial burden, and won’t be able to pay for all the extra costs that come with being the matron of honor, then you need to accept the fact that she wants you there, regardless of what you can or can’t pay for.

    I suggest you make a list of everything a MOH would normally assume the cost of, and check off the must-haves (dress for you and your daughter + tux for your husband, shoes and other accessories). Then see what you can afford for the rest. Then show the bride what your budget is, and come up with a plan to pay for the rest. The other attendants should be willing to help out with the shower and bachelorette party.

    It sounds to me that your friend is more concerned about you being there for her on her wedding day, not what what you are going to spend on her. That’s an admirable attribute, and probably one of the reasons she’s been such a great friend for so long.

RSS feed for comments on this post. And trackBack URL.