Should i give up on my Grandma?

May 15th, 2011

In the last 2-3 years my grandmother has been very nasty to me. Out of all the grandchildren I do the most for her. I do live the closese to her about 1.5 hours away I pay for her food shopping, some prescriptions I take a day out of work to bring her on errands. I never ask her for money or gas because she is my grandma. She had a stroke and became nastier. I ignored it because I thought it was the result of the stroke also I was planning my weddings she was very rude and short. I thought “wedding stress”. My brothers and cousins noticed and said something about her nastiness to me. I spoke to her and she said I talk to fast and it stresses her. Since I am very type “A” I decided to be more relaxed around her. Still same rudeness, I figured it was in my head.
Today my uncle called me and said he has noticed the same thing this weekend, so has other people, he said she acts as though she is disgusted with me. I told him I have no idea what I did. He said what shocks him is I do so much for her. She gets upset that I call my step son my son and that my husband works on the weekend so he does not see her often. She does not live close by. My uncle said they way she treats me it is much deeper than that and cannot believe she would treat blood like that. After talking to my uncle I decided I will not do as much for her. I will save my vacation days for my new family and the money I am spending for them too. Really we have debt I should pay off anyway. I have tried talking to her. Am I being rude she is my grandma?

5 Responses to “Should i give up on my Grandma?”

  1. Alice H says:

    Sounds like a question for Dr. Laura. We really must take care of ourselves and if you would feel better about bowing out then you could check to see if there are social services for her in her county. Call the agency on Aging in her area.

  2. becca says:

    just tell her what did i do to u that i get treated like this?i do everything for u.n if she responds mean or wutever,tell her that u will stop diong stuff for her if she doesnt start to appreciate
    it.

  3. Marilyn says:

    her days are numbered and she is turing within herself, no outsiders and she resents you opening up her world by remarrying and calling the boy son.
    its all too fast and scary to her, besides that elderly people get ornery sometimes. no i wouldn’t tolerate it, save your money for yourself, simply tell her she doesn’t appreciate anything and your efforts are wasted.
    tell her to find some else she likes better.
    my feelings were hurt too many years by an older relative, deeply hurt. my b.f.’s daughter did so many nice things for her grandma, and the grandmother was very rude. she died that way.
    you cannot change people, maybe she is jealous of you, of your youth.
    you’re not being rude, see her when you have to, no matter what you do it will never good enough.
    i learned that lesson in life.

  4. SpaldingJag says:

    Hi. I would say not to give up on her if she were that way with everyone, but apparently she’s just that way with you; the one who does so much for her. You said you have already tried talking to her and apparently it didn’t do any good. So, my suggestion would be to cut way back on the things you do for her and if she questions you about it, just tell her straight up that until her attitude changes you will not be doing nearly as much for her if anything at all.

  5. rock of ages says:

    As hard as it is to deal with don’t give up on her. Emotional changes are typical after any stroke. She has become depended on you. And when you speak of your wedding plans she might feel as though she will be left out of the picture and she won’t have anyone to help her. Which in turn makes her stressful and all the thoughts running through her head build up and come out. I don’t know how old your grandmother is but you have to ignore what she says. Older people do this some time. They can be really cruel talking and make you what to run the other way. Your grandmother might also benefit from is a support group of people her own age that have gone through this life changing event. And she might also be experiencing a little bit of depression also which is very common after any life changing health challenge especially if it means a loss of independence and then like I said your getting married and she might wonder what will become of her since she has become depended on you. Maybe some of your other family members could take turns helping her out. My mother had dementia and sometimes she would say mean things to people. Which would be embarrassing, but we stuck by her. My older sister and my twin and I just took turns looking after her. Good luck to you and your grandmother.

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