Problem with Father of the Bride- what would you do?

May 2nd, 2011

A little bit of background: I had originally planned my wedding for August of this year. In late June, I found out that my dad (who is career active military) was going to be deployed to Afghanistan in July. Due to Army policies, there was absolutely no way he would be able to stay late enough or come back in time for my wedding. I really wanted him to be there, and knew it would mean a lot for him to be able to be there, too, so I postponed my wedding until May 2011, when he was pretty sure he would be able to get his 2 weeks leave and attend.

Fast forward to today. This morning I got an e-mail from him saying that he isn’t planning on attending anymore because he “can’t afford it.” Now, if I thought he genuinely couldn’t afford it, I would totally cover the flight and hotel for him and my step-mom. However, last time I talked on the phone with my step-mom, she was talking about all the expensive photography equipment he’s been buying, and I know that the cost of a single lens he bought would have been enough for both of them to come. He doesn’t do photography professionally- he only does it as a hobby, so this is in no way a required expense.

I’m so disgusted by the whole thing I don’t even want to have the ceremony anymore. My mom already can’t make it because she will be in Africa (a whole other story…)

What would you do?

9 Responses to “Problem with Father of the Bride- what would you do?”

  1. NinaPina says:

    I would concentrate on planning my wedding, and on how lucky I am to be marrying such a great guy. Do not let these selfish folks rain on your parade. Best wishes!

  2. Court2114 says:

    If your parents are so selfish and self-absorbed that they can’t make your wedding a priority for one day…why bother yourself with fretting over them?

    Don’t cancel the wedding just because of them. The wedding is for you and your fiance and share your love in front of God and your close friends and family. It’s your parents’ loss if they choose not to attend; it shouldn’t be the loss of you and your fiance.

    I would go on with the wedding as planned and truly, not even think about my parents.

  3. :-) says:

    This is so sad! Sorry you’re being treated this way.
    First of all stop communicating with him viva e-mail.
    Call him and talk to him about these issues and find out if there is another problem that’s keeping him from coming to HIS DAUGHTER”S WEDDING. the most important event in her life.
    This goes for your mother too.

    If he or your mother do not come, please go on have a beautiful wedding and a great life with your spouse and create a ”real family”

  4. basketcase88 says:

    All I have to say is “wow.” I have 2 children, and wild horses wouldn’t keep me from being with them on their wedding days. I would come from the ends of the earth if I had to, and I would spend whatever it took to be there. About the only thing that would prevent me from going would be if I were in the hospital, unconscious.

    I think you need to talk to your dad. I know that’s hard when he’s in a deployment zone, but it’s not impossible. Better yet, try to set it up on skype so he can see your face when he’s talking to you. Are you sure he’s going to be able to get leave? Maybe he can’t get leave, but figures that “I can’t afford it” will soften the blow?? I know, it sounds stupid to me too, but men can be stupid at times.

    I’d have a pretty equally serious heart to heart with my mom as well. Like I said, the ends of the earth wouldn’t keep me from being with my children on their wedding days.

    Having said that, you can’t control other people, you can only control yourself. I would have the wedding anyway. It’s your parents loss if they don’t come, for whatever stupid reason. You need to focus on marrying the man you love, and starting your own family. And, you at least know what NOT to do with your own children, when the time comes, right?

    I wish you all the best.

  5. Perse says:

    What a disappointment.

    I guess you know now to go on to make your wedding plans without taking either parent into consideration. A little more freedom, if you want to look at the positive side. You can do what you want when you want. Don’t want the big ceremony anymore? You could always elope.

  6. Blunt says:

    You don’t need them to get married. I hope their camera lens gives them grandchildren. Proceed with your event as planned.


  7. LaVada A says:

    To be honest I would be hurt too and I would remember that this is his choice!!!! I will take my hubby and any close friends that want to go and go to a destination place and get married and have a honeymoon. Use that money to do that. And enjoy yourself. At the end of the day all you are going to have is your husband anyway. Look at this as a a test. Good luck and enjoy. He will eventually come around but don’t hold up yourself of your life for anyone. Congrats!

  8. Rachael says:

    May is a long time away tell him to start saving up. That is such a lame excuse especially after you rescheduled your wedding just so he could be there. it is obviously important to you that your father be there for your wedding. You need to talk to him and let him know how you feel and that it hurts you that he wouldnt make attending your wedding a priority especially after you’ve made his attendence a priority.

  9. Saya says:

    They’re not worth it.

    Forget about him.

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