Niece involved with registered sex offender?

December 29th, 2010

I cannot even believe I have to ask what I am about to ask but here goes. When my niece was 17 years old, she got involved with a man in his 20s. He was a convicted sex offender at that time. The conviction was from when he was 18 or 19 years old. He was “involved” with girls aged 11 to 14. Since the one conviction, he has not been in trouble for any additional sex crimes although he has been in and out of jail on parole violations and other petty crime for the past 15 years. I don’t think he has ever been out for more than a year. During one stint when he was out of jail, my niece eloped with him. During the next stint, they conceived a child. The next time he was out, they conceived another child. When he returned to jail after the birth of the second child, we thought she had come to her senses when she finally divorced him. Today, he has been out of jail for about 18 months without getting into any trouble. This is the longest he has been out of jail for the past 15 years. She and he are back together (this just happened within the past few months), she’s pregnant again and they are planning to re-marry. No one in the family is happy. In fact, she has been told by her mother and grandmother that he cannot attend any family functions. He doesn’t and she comes alone with her two children. I am the mother of two young girls. Even though this man has not committed another sex crime in the past 15 years, I have very serious reservations about allowing my children to be around him at all. After all, not only he is a convicted criminal, but he’s a registered sex offender. Even though he is the father of their favorite cousins, my children have never met him. My question is this. As birthdays happen, the wedding, and the birth of the new child all happen, what do I do? The parent in me very clearly says not to take my children anywhere near this man. The human and Christian sides say that everyone is entitled to a second chance. He’s been out of trouble for the longest time ever at this point and by my other niece’s account, he is treating my niece well. Your thoughts?

3 Responses to “Niece involved with registered sex offender?”

  1. June says:

    We each have to make our own choices in the end. The best thing you can do is just show support regardless of your feeling and let her know your there for her if she ever needs you or just someone to talk to. You don’t want to interfere where she doesn’t want you to. Unless there abuse and you know 100% certain thats what i would do.

  2. somber1912 says:

    WOW!!! She is a freaking mess! Despite her very poor choices in life, including getting in a relationship with this screwed up man is beyond me, BUT she did it. There is really no turning back now and despite his so-called being Christian and not doing anything bad in the last 18 months, he still has a track record.

    You have EVERY RIGHT to be weary of this man, ESPECIALLY AROUND YOUR CHILDREN! I also agree that everyone deserves a second chance, and since they are together, possibly for life, I think avoiding him would be difficult and will increase the gap in your relationship with your niece. Most of that will be her fault for choosing a life with him, but at least be open to being around them on special occasions only, and NOT leaving your children alone with him. I think he may deserve that, but because of his poor decisions you have a right to keep him at arm’s length.

    They will appreciate you trying and you will feel better about yourself for giving them a chance. Just always keep your eyes open and be smart. If things seem sketchy you can always turn your head and leave them alone!

  3. astro2 says:

    I understand your conflict but if your gut instinct tells you to keep your children away from him then that’s definitely what I would do. I suggest you stay out of it as much as you can but like you said we all deserve a second chance and if you all willing to give him one start little by little. Good Luck

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