Need help dealing with Wedding?

May 12th, 2011

Ok, my fiancee and I have a wedding planned for August 2011. We have sent out the save the dates, but nothing else. After everything was smooth…at first for us, we have become more and more impatient about the demands of our family. We have become stressed out, angry, and snapping at each other as well as not getting along with other family members.

Everything we have chosen for the wedding has been scrutinized by direct family and or cousins and Aunts. We are being forced to invite people due to the fact that my parents don’t want to deal with everyone being mad they weren’t invited. We have been told if we don’t, my great grandma with no longer pray for me. Wedding, we were told are family reunions…

My Nana, offered to do floral work, but my fiancees mom was already doing them, instead of accepting the fact that she can’t do the flowers, she is telling everyone the venue is terrible, the food will get everyone sick, and going out of hr way. Upon that, we are now being told to let her decorate the gazebo, and just let her do some.

Our cake is our idea, but after coming home excited about what the cake will look like, we were told not everyone is going to like that and we should have gotten a whipped cream frosting instead of butter cream and etc…

Our photographer is apparently a scam artist, and for music we have hired a great guitarist to play custom music and songs for us, well, apparently we didn’t get the memo that acoustic guitars sound terrible at weddings and everyone will hate listening to it.

Most of my fiance’s family is flying in, but most have said they can’t make it. So for the most part, it will be my side and only her direct family. With only 1-3 people out of the 60 on that side we know have booked flights.

Our plan now is to elope with direct family, and then have receptions for both sides of the family in 2 locations, so both sides can celebrate.

We have been discussing just eloping and saving our money to move out (we are currently living with my parents post college), and it is becoming a better and better idea.

Please, any advice besides just stick out out would be appreciated if other have dealt with similar weddings.
Oh, and we are paying by ourselves, with little to no help
We were NOT scammed by our photographer, let me make that clear.

We were told because she was cheaper than others and what was included in the package we chose, we were getting scammed, and our money was long gone, even though it was only a $100 deposit.

5 Responses to “Need help dealing with Wedding?”

  1. Messykatt says:

    You left a pretty big detail til the very end! Even if you’re paying for the wedding, when you’re both living with your parents, this is where some of the problems start. Parents feel a much greater sense of entitlement when the “kids” are still under their roof.

    Also, if your “direct” family (does this mean immediate?) sees you get married, then it’s not an elopement. An elopement is just the two of you, and people don’t give prior notice of it, since then you’d get Round 2 of commentary.

    If I were you, I’d elope and be done with it. Wedding receptions are held right after the wedding, so I don’t know what these 2 events are you’re planning, but if people are pissed about not seeing you exchange vows, these events won’t substitute for that. Besides, if you don’t even have your own place, this should be your #1 priority, not some celebration event weeks later. I can’t imagine anything worse than a newly married couple living in a parent’s home.

    The other option is to quietly get your marriage license and check with city hall to see if you need an appt to get married. Pick your date and give people a week or so notice. Take those who are with you at the ceremony out to dinner. Start your married life. The End.

  2. MSP71 says:

    If you are paying for it then to hell with everyone else and their opinions. My sister ‘catered’ to everyone else and hated her wedding because of it. I told complainers to just shut up, sit back and enjoy the ride…and I got to enjoy the day. It’s not a family reunion, it’s a party you are throwing for your FRIENDS and family to rejoice in your union.

    The only ‘food’ issue you should concern yourself with is the no peanuts rule because you don’t want anyone dropping dead from a severe allergic reaction… Get the cake YOU want! Serve the food YOU like in the manor that pleases YOU.

    If relatives want you to invite others so they don’t feel ‘slighted’, tell those people to donate $100 per extra person to pay for the unexpected expense on your part of adding them to the wedding and reception… trust me, once they start spending their money instead of yours, they will back off.

    The music is for your pleasure, guitar is not traditional, but I love it when people break away from the norm, because the norm is boring… Keep the guitar, especially if the guy/gal is good!

    Be careful of photographers, if you can crash a wedding to see how the photographer behaves, do so. Mine showed up high as a kite and I caught him smoking a joint between the ceremony and reception and ALL my photos were blurry and ruined… This is your wedding, hopefully the only one you’ll have, and you will want the memories captured cleanly for you to tell your grand kids about someday.

    STOP talking to people about what you are doing for the wedding & reception. It’s none of their business. It’s their job to show up and enjoy themselves nothing more. If they ask, just tell them ‘thanks for the advice but you have it handled’. If they want to participate and you don’t need them, too bad, blow them off politely and invite them to just enjoy themselves. If they want to help as a ‘gift’ refer them to a gift registry you set up somewhere. (with people scattered everywhere, the easiest one would probably be Amazon, online) I can only assume that since you don’t have your own place yet that you will be needing household items. Let them know that any gift from the registry will be greatly appreciated.

    This is one of the most difficult things about getting married, setting boundaries with the families, and you are getting the crash course. I’d strongly recommend sitting down with your s/o and discussing where you want those boundaries and getting on the same page with her, so you both can handle whatever comes up knowing that the other has your back.

    If you allow other people to manipulate you, control you, or completely change your plans, you will regret it for the rest of your life. Be strong, put your foot down, and do what pleases the two of YOU.

    BTW, Just because your family is kind enough to give you a temporary place to live, does not give them the right to control or manipulate you.

    Last, (I’m going to sound like your family now… sorry) It’s sad that much of her family cannot make it to the wedding. If you can afford it, or if you want to give the assignment to one of the people who wants to participate, it might be a nice gift to send a video to the ones left behind, especially if they send you a wedding gift. This also might make your s/o feel better about not having as many people on her side attending the events.

  3. Jenny Lynne says:

    Unfortunately and I cannot figure it out, but from the time your announcement right up to the wedding, people, friends, family literally come out of the woodwork with their opinions or I did this or that and you must do this. And so much negativity from families, everyone has an opinion and unfortunately they are free and not asked for, but given anyway. So, you say don’t stick it out.
    1. Elope with direct family, but this will open you up to more negativity. But, you may want your mothers and fathers but that is all and don’t tell them until the last minute so they will not be able to call anyone.
    2. Elope without anyone, most wedding chapels can provide witnesses.
    3. Cancel wedding, but have a private one with attendants and mothers/fathers and grandparents only and swear them to secrecy!! That way you will atleast have wedding pictures. But, get another photographer, and then all go out to a nice restaurant, book before and you and bride (change into going away clothes at church, before leaving, unless bride wants to wear her dress longer) after eating, say good byes and leave, I mean just leave, don’t tell anyone where you are going. Can call in once a day in case of emergencies, then turn cell phones off and you and your wife have a wonderful honeymoon, just the two of you, like it’s supposed to be. This is the most special time of your life, even though you think you already know everything about each other.

  4. Liz says:

    If you are paying for everything yourselves, you need to grow a spine and stand up to everyone who wants to make your wedding their wedding. You and your future spouse need to sit down, alone, and decide what you want. Then you need to work towards organising it just the way you want. Unsolicited comments and criticism should be met with “Thank you for sharing your ideas with us. We will certainly take them into consideration.” Then refuse to discuss the matter further and keep doing what you wanted to do all along. If both of you stick to this and don’t say anything else, you’ll be just fine.

  5. Jana says:

    Elope! Tell them if they want separate wedding parties for each family, then they will have to pay for most of it. Elope! Don’t regret it, you don’t have to tell anyone really, just be the 2 of you and HAVE FUN.
    NO STRESS in ELOPING! I wouldn’t put up with that crap!

RSS feed for comments on this post. And trackBack URL.