Is this considered rude as far as weddings go?

May 15th, 2011

I have recently started to think about what I want to have for my wedding (No, I am not engaged yet, but my sister is getting married so all the planning just so happened to get me thinking) I always wanted a big wedding, but now I have something different in mind. Mainly, I want to bring the people who I and my fiance are closest to (immediate family only; parents and siblings) to aruba. Pay for them to stay for a week, have a small ceremony on the beach, and then my fiance and I can stay for an additional week. When we come back we would want to have a big party for all of our friends and family (like 200 people) at a hall. Is it rude to have people celebrate with you if they are not invited to the ceremony?

16 Responses to “Is this considered rude as far as weddings go?”

  1. TLS says:

    Not at all. You don’t have to invite people to a private wedding ceremony in order to invite them to a party. When you send the invitations, just send them with announcements. Word the invitation so that it’s from you and your new hubby and request the pleasure of their company at a reception to celebrate your recent nupitals.

  2. MelZ says:

    It’s definitely not rude to do what you want to do. Lots of people have small ceremony destination weddings, and then have the reception when they get back home. My only concern is that what you’re thinking of doing is going to be very costly. You’d better start saving now.

  3. Soon2BMrsM says:

    Not at all!!!!

    Its quite common to do that when you have a destination wedding. People understand that not everyone can be invited to the wedding.

  4. Tiffany C. says:

    Yes it is rude. Some people you don’t even know just show up at your wedding and your like who the heck is that? and it’s just someone wanting food or could be a wedding crasher. But your plan sounds great! I ve been planning my wedding to be on a beach or in a church. Most likely on abeach because it is my dreams to marry the one I love on a beach. So I wish you and your sister the best of luck with your marriages! =]

  5. fantime says:

    yes it is

  6. petal85 says:

    sounds like a great idea, i want something like that too, you can try other small caribbean islands, but no its not rude, its just how u choose to have it and u do invite them to a reception so dont worry

  7. melouofs says:

    I hope not, because that’s what we did. If you aren’t engaged though, I’d caution that your fiance might not want to take that route and this is something you should really be planning with him.

  8. Jammy says:

    –No it’s not rude. A lot of people have destination weddings, and that’s perfectly fine. When they come back, they have a reception for family and friends.

    –I have seen invitations that address this type of situation on several websites.

    –By the way,Aruba sounds like it would be a beautiful place to get married. It’s your wedding and you should do what you want and where you want.

    –Good luck and best wishes!

  9. nova_queen_28 says:

    When in a destination situation, no it is not rude.
    If you have the ceremony down the block and only invite people to the reception, that is rude and is going to come across like you are grubbing for gifts.

  10. Catherine E: VT says:

    No, that’s fine. I tend to find it to be more rude when people will invite some people to their ceremony, but not the reception, while others get invited to both.

    If you’re doing a destination wedding, people will understand that you can’t invite everyone to the ceremony.

  11. hairdo says:

    No its not rude at all

  12. Carrie says:

    Its not rude it sounds like a great idea. This way you can have an intimate ceremony with a small amount of people who are closest to you & then you can have the big celebration afterwoods with all of your friends.
    Lots of people do it this way, so dont worry its not rude!

  13. yohimbano says:

    It’s not at all rude and the party will be a great time, people will look forward to it.
    That said, you and your future fiance having parents and sibs only at the wedding could be a big can of worms.
    For example, my sister is older and married with children (your sis will be married to, clearly). So we couldn’t have invited just my sis, it would have to be my brother-in-law and the kids as well or she wouldn’t have come. Now that’s a lot bigger, we’re talking six people on my side instead of just three, and should my fiancee have been able to invite six as well so it’s even? Plus, to be honest, the people I’m closest to are my two best friends. So saying “just the people we are closest to” is problematic, because you don’t want hurt feelings on the part of family but sometimes the presence of friends at the ceremony with you would be more meaningful. And then there’s the problem of what if your fiance has more than two parents he’s close to?
    None of those potential problems are going to make this into a huge fiasco and I’m certainly not saying you shouldn’t do it, because it sounds like a great plan for a wedding and I think you’ll have a great time. But you need to be flexible–if your sis has kids by the time you’re getting married, are they invited? If not what about your bro-in-law? Would they come without the kids? If there are no kids you must invite the bro-in-law. What if your fiance has no siblings but wants to bring his best friend? Considering the possibilities now will make being flexible later a lot easier.
    That said, have fun in Aruba! Sounds like a neat plan!

  14. mec says:

    I think having a destination wedding has pros and cons to it. If the bride and groom don’t pay for the guests it really limits who can afford to come. It can make those who can’t afford it not feel so great. BUT if you are going to pay for your guests I would do it! The guests will be so greatful! But then it comes down to deciding who you will pay for.

  15. Mrs. Tindall to be 8/24/08 says:

    Absolutely not! Since you want to pay for those select few, it’s totally understandable that you wouldn’t want 200 people to come and have to foot the bill. Plus, a wedding can be stressful with a lot of people there, you wouldn’t want to be stressed in an environment/place you’ve never been in before!

  16. tinktink20 says:

    Nope. It’s perfectly acceptable to invite some people to only the reception.

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