is it rude to have a small wedding?

May 6th, 2011

my fiance and i have always planned on a small, intimate, personal wedding…a celebration of about 14 people (siblings, parents, grandparents). my fiance’s family (mother) thinks that we are being selfish to rest of the family and friends (people she wants there). she thinks we are unreasonable, weird and suspicious (those are her actual words) for having the wedding this way. i just need to know, are we indeed being selfish? i thought that the wedding belonged to the bride and groom, to make their dream wedding happen. we aren’t trying to be mean or make people think we don’t care about them. so are we out of line? (just a side note, our plans are still on- we are changing nothing – we didn’t plan on having a rehearsal dinner but we comprised and so his mother is having a ‘rehearsal dinner’ where she is inviting all of HER friends) ahhh what do i do?

16 Responses to “is it rude to have a small wedding?”

  1. John G says:

    Just have them pay for it, take the gifts, and enjoy your small quaint wedding. It’s really wasted space otherwise. Most likely, you’ll never see half those people about once a year if that anyways.

  2. Ronaldo says:

    No i dont think so! Its your wedding and you plan it the way you want!

  3. pdevans1963@rogers.com says:

    tell them its your plan or you elope.

    thats seems reasonable about the rehearsal dinner at their expense. you dont have to stay all night if they want to do this why should you object?

    as long as it doesnt interfere with the special day

  4. roaryboy says:

    Its your wedding! I don’t think it is rude…you can make them pay if they want something else.

  5. Holly says:

    I had a small wedding and it was perfect. Stick to your guns and your future MIL can go ahead and be suspicious. Rehearsal dinners are for members of the wedding party—not for friends of the future inlaws. If you don’t want a rehearsal dinner, tell her you won’t be there. Let her know that you have decided you would rather not have a bogus rehearsal dinner.

    You shouldn’t have to compromise for anyone. It is your day to enjoy as you see fit. If his mother wants to have a party, she can have a party some other time.

    No, you are not rude even if that is the feeling of your future MIL. Just say no.

  6. Donna says:

    Tell her if she wants to pay for the wedding being bigger then she can. But I wouldn’t let her make the decisions on how to have it even if she was paying for it. And tell her the rehearsal dinner is only for the people that are IN the wedding.

  7. abc123me06 says:

    Absolutely not! It’s your day, have your wedding they way you want to. It’s actually more rude to have people at a rehearsal dinner that’s not going to be there for the wedding. If that’s the way you can do it though i would do it. I hate all the “rules” of weddings anyways…. do what you want to do, if there’s a day you guys get to make the rules it’s your wedding day. She’ll get over it and I hope she isn’t so ridiculous after ya’all are married! Good luck!

  8. onelove says:

    I’ve always thought that having a small intimate wedding was the best thing. Just the people you love the most there and no need to worry about making others happy. Maybe you should stand up to her, especially if your fiance wants the same as you do. You shouldn’t have to worry about pleasing other people.

  9. SMOOTHIE says:

    it is ur wedding she isn’t the one who is getting married she had her chance now its YOUR wedding YOUR plans if you think a small wedding is fine you go with it good luck =)

  10. Muse - Viktor's Mommy says:

    The act of getting married is, indeed, an act for the bride and groom. However, the wedding ceremony unofficially belongs to those who are in closest relation to you and your fiance. Families are just interfering like that and want “the best” for their kids.

    That being said, if this is how you feel, then don’t budge on it. I certainly don’t think you’re being rude. And the fact that you compromised and are doing the rehearsal dinner will, hopefully, at least make some amends. Odds are, your future mother-in-law is the only one who cares that her friends aren’t invited.

  11. Rich Z says:

    NO. In fact I think you are inviting exactly the right number. I attended the small wedding of a family member. The bride and groom planned it to be outdoors lakeside near where they lived in a resort community. They invited two sets of parents, two friends, a great-aunt and uncle, and five siblings. After the ceremony everyone went to a local restaurant and had a small party dinner. I think it was one of the most pleasant weddings I have ever been to.

  12. B says:

    no it is not rude at all. it is YOUR wedding, if you prefer intimacy, or just can’t afford a large wedding, then that is ok. don’t let people make you feel bad. it’s YOUR special day.

  13. bren says:

    Let me tell you, if it was rude to have a small wedding then my husband and I are the rudest people on earth! We were married nov.27,1993. The only thing I regret most is I didn’t invite many of my dad’s family. It was very small.We had a rehearsal but we didn’t go eat anywhere. BUT If you are having a problem about who or not to invite invite them all. Later you will regret it if you don’t. Enjoy your rehearsal dinner!!

  14. debijs says:

    ~~The wedding decisions are up to the bride and groom period. It is their wedding. Anyone disputing your decisions need to have their own wedding or renewal of vows. Whatever, it is not your problem, to please anyone else on this matter. Stand your grounds on what you two want, family gets over it!~~

  15. Kate says:

    No, you’re right, its your wedding and you get to have it the way you want it. It would be nice (and fun) to have a second reception at a later date to celebrate your recent wedding with all of your family and friends. Rent out a restaurant and have a little fun party for everyone to share in your life. This is what a friend of mine did. She got married in Maui and felt bad asking anyone to purchase a ticket out there for her wedding so it was just immediate family at the wedding and when she and her husband returned form their honeymoon, they had a great second reception with all their family and friends and my friend wore her wedding dress to the event for everyone who missed out. It was a cute and fun idea.

  16. Heidi says:

    You’re right on this. Your MIL seems to be under the delusion that all of HER friends and extended family are all clamoring to attend your wedding. You realize that this is not the case. Most of the people she wants to invite are probably not particularly close to you+hubby, and probably aren’t particularly interested in going, and may just see it as a burden.

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