Intimate wedding causing many questions?

July 6th, 2011

My Fiance and I are planning for a small intimate wedding, so we can have an amazing honeymoon. We are planning a trip to the bahamas. I am afraid that the family members who aren’t invited will be mad. How do we decide who comes and who doesn’t? Should we send invitations to people letting them know we are getting married even though they aren’t invited??? Help. Thanks
Thanks everyone!! This has helped so much.

12 Responses to “Intimate wedding causing many questions?”

  1. Tabby* says:

    Wow that’s a hard question. Really if its in the Bahamas everyone should understand that isn’t invited. You defiantly want your parents there and i would say grandparents and brothers or sisters. Don’t forget a close friend or too only if they have really been there for you forever it seams like.

  2. Bride09 says:

    I would just explain that you are keeping it intimate only the closest family and friends. I read about this as well and it says to be honest and just say weddings are completely outrageous any more and due to cost you are keeping it small.
    You do not need to send an invitation unless you are inviting them. I also read its not polite to invite people to showers if you are not going to invite them to the wedding.
    We started out small. Now we are up to about 200 people. Not what I wanted but it keeps the piece.

  3. D4Pres2012 says:

    you can’t send an invitation to someone who isn’t invited. that’s the definition of the word, duh. after the honeymoon send announcements. have something done on snapfish or whatnot with a cute pic of the 2 of you that says mr. and mrs. john doe announce their marriage on the 25th of march, 2009 at st. james church, baltimore, md or whatever.

  4. Suz123 says:

    One sends announcements. Announcements are mailed the day of the wedding . . . or the day after the wedding. They imply no gift-giving obligation.

    They could read:

    have the honour of announcing
    the marriage of
    on DAY

    Remember that announcements are NEVER mailed before the ceremony has taken place.

  5. Andrea c says:

    im in same position myself so wot we decided on is just mum, dad, bro, sis, nieces n nephews and grandparents and have a do after where well wishers can come and celebrate with you. we found that most of other family members were very understanding, good luck for the big day 😉

  6. Julia B says:

    You only have to explain if they ask. And then you just say, “we are keeping it small and intimate.” You can always send wedding announcements afterward, but invitations though. Announcements are lovely, you could even do photos with them, that would be nice. You could also include your new address on them.

  7. Wifeforlife says:

    You send invitations to everyone that you normally would have invited. You never know who might want to combine a vacation with your wedding! At least people know they were included in your thoughts and they can RSVP one way or another.

  8. Patti says:

    I was in the same boat because we had a destination wedding. We didn’t tell the people we knew couldn’t come. Don’t send people invitations if they’re not invited. You can tell them, so they won’t be surprised, and just explain it’s a small, immediate family only ceremony. It’s better to leave people off than invite others they might know and get jealous of, honestly. Like we invited my mom’s family but not my dad’s because I’m not as close with them. My husband’s parents were his only family there. Make sure it’s the people you and your partner want. People will definitely be mad, there’s no way around that. But you need to do what you need to do for your own priorities. They’ll get over it. Just don’t expect gifts from them, and give them time to work through their anger. And when you get back, don’t shove pictures in their face unless they ask. If you have any questions I could answer, feel free to message me. Have a great wedding!

  9. Jackie says:

    First, be careful about who you invite…if you invite one aunt, then you have to invite all aunts/uncles. If you invite one cousin, all cousins should be invited.

    So, with that being said, I really would make it only immediate family (which means parents, siblings and grandparents only) Allow room for each to bring dates if needed. Invite only the closest of friends, which to me means that if they are not the friends that I would call immediately if I won the lottery or my world was crashing down around me, then they wouldn’t be invited to the wedding.

    I would send out Announcements that are carefully worded. Don’t get people confused and make them think they received an invitation. On it, you might want to ask for their prayer or to “raise a glass” on your special. State that “Jane Smith and John Doe are getting married in a small, private ceremony on June 20, 2009 and are requesting to be in your thoughts on their special day” You can even further explain that due to finances or just personal choice that you are having a very small, intimate ceremony and just wanted to share your happiness with your family.

    Another option-send out announcements after the wedding.

  10. Leannain says:

    one of the great things about a destination wedding is is sheer cost helps separate the wheat from the chaff.

    Don’t invite anyone you don’t want to have come. After the wedding you can send out wedding announcements.

    I would rather not know I wasn’t invited until its too late to bitch

  11. Cassidy says:

    I’m having the same problem, only I’m trying to buy a house lol. We need a down payment more than a honeymoon or wedding so we’re keeping it small. I’d say invite the parents, and siblings on both sides, grandparents and close friends. The problem with aunts and uncles I had was they asked their kids, my cousins, Hey did you get an invite, then hell broke loose lol.

    The day of the wedding I would have little notices saying we got married! to everyone not invited and send them out. When word gets around you wanted an intimate wedding so you could have a fabulous honeymoon I don’t think people will complain too much.

    Another idea someone gave me was to send pieces of cake around to people not invited and a couple wedding photos so they still feel like they were part of it.

    Goodluck and congrats!!

  12. rxing says:

    OK this one is simple.

    Make it immediate family only. (moms, dads, sisters brothers spouses and their children, bridesmaid and best man.)

    So lets say that 30 people right

    Then when you get back , pick a parents back yard and have a Reception BBQ for everyone else. this will cost like 1000$ MAX. Soup to nuts. The menu can be Grilled Chicken, Hamburgers, Hotdogs, and Baked ziti and an iItalian hero.

    at the BBQ reception you can have nice music and have your bridesmaid and groom do toasts and have a nice Cake. also have alot of shots of your honey moon. If you know of a clergy person who can come and say a marraige prayer for you it would also be nice but not necessary.

    You dont have to spend a million dollars to do this and then everyone will feel included and you may even get gifts. This will make everyone happy. and you get your awesome honeymoon and arent in debt upto your eyeballs.

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