i’m trying not to be a bridezilla.?

May 15th, 2011

ok recently i’ve had to get rid of 2 bridesmaids, they were refusing to go and get the dresses sized and ordered and now they are discontinued. one bridesmaid refused to do it because she didn’t like the dress. i told her all the girls agreed on it and she did too originally. after she found out she was pregnant and going to have the baby right before the wedding she decided that she didn’t have enough time to lose the baby weight in time and it would look bad on her.

i tried to compromise with a similar dress but she didn’t like them she wanted a short one when they others are long. i asked the other girls if that was fair they said no. i could not treat one girl differently expecially because she’s not the moh.

anyways i’m trying not to worry about the 2 that had been cut out but one is punishing me for it, the pregnant one. i had purchased over $100 for her invites and decorations. i’m on a tight budget with a wedding coming up and now she tells me she doesn’t want my stuff she wants dif. stuff but i have to buy it. i told her no and she called me bridezilla.

another bridemaid just bought a place and i’m planning on helping her move in tomorow. yet she still hasn’t helped me out. i met with all the girls and asked them what they can help plan and made little lists, easy stuff like 20 invites a person to be mailed out and someones calling the caterer to help me get in for a taste testing.

i work 12-14 hour days and come home to cook for my fiance and walk my dog. i have time for nothing and all my bridesmaids reassured me they were going to help.

my question is when can i step in and say ok if ur not going to do it i am and how do i do it without offending anyone. nothing has gotten taken care of and i feel i could get it done faster on my lunch break. i really wanted their help but they seem to have other things that keep coming up and i understand their priorities aren’t with me 24/7 but i do need them to help plan things with me.

and also, is it rude of me to ask them to come a week before the wedding for a hair trial, the day before the ceremony for a spa.masssage day stay with me until the rehearsal dinner, than bachlorette party then wedding b-fast hair wedding lunch make up then ceremony and reception. i thought that it would be nice [i’m paying for it all]

10 Responses to “i’m trying not to be a bridezilla.?”

  1. Fincgrad says:

    You should say the last sentence of the the next to last paragraph (of your description) and the last paragraph. Explain to them your situation and the last thing you want is to be a bridezilla and ask them if there is any way they could help out. Any good friend will help you out. Good luck- I hope everything works out for you!

  2. anythingwilldo says:

    Sounds like you are getting a bad deal from the girls that are supposed to be making life easier for you.

    Everybody gets a bit frayed during wedding prep – I would call a get together and see how everyone is going, when they tell you that they are struggling to get things done just say, with good grace, that it is probably best that you do it all anyway as you know exactly what you want. Smile and take all the work back.

    That way you will know it gets done.

    As for the invites I don;t exactly know what you mean by that but stick to your guns – it is your wedding .

    Not rude to ask them to all those events, especially as you are paying but it is a lot of time away from their usual routines so be prepared for some issues.

  3. jewlz j says:

    the last paragraph is a nice gesture.and the gist of ur story is they are bein bitchy and not helpin when they promised otherwise.this is ur wedding they should wear what u want

  4. grandma says:

    Honey, with your work schedule you need professional help! This is what happens when you depend on bridesmaids and friends they get caught up in their own lives. Hire a wedding planner it’s not too late, to micromanage your wishes. Good luck, or you can get a hold of David (I think that’s his name) Tutera and let him take over your wedding plans. He has a show in the N.Y.C. area I see it in Florida.

  5. Suz123 says:

    You write: i work 12-14 hour days and come home to cook for my fiance and walk my dog. i have time for nothing and all my bridesmaids reassured me they were going to help.

    Perhaps you need to downsize the wedding plans? The wedding should really be something you find manageable . . . something that can arranged by you and your groom, with the assistance of maybe one or two family members (or a hired planner, for a larger wedding).

    Yes, some brides do have helpful bridesmaids. Other brides have bridesmaids who just buy the dress and stand up beside bride on the wedding day. Either way is perfectly fine. A bride must not expect too much from her busy pals.

    It is important to remember that your bridesmaids’ lives don’t stop just because you are planning a wedding. That one thought alone can stop one from becoming a bridezilla.

    You write: it rude of me to ask them to come a week before the wedding for a hair trial, the day before the ceremony for a spa.masssage day stay with me until the rehearsal dinner, than bachlorette party then wedding b-fast hair wedding lunch make up then ceremony and reception. i thought that it would be nice [i’m paying for it all]

    I think it is very sweet of you to pay for all. But . . . if your maids are already acting like you are asking for a bit much, take your cues from that. Perhaps they don’t NEED to do all that?

    Besides, you should not be planning a bachelorette party. As an etiquette-conscious bride, you must leave the planning of all pre-wedding parties to others.

    1. Bridesmaids need to buy the dress.
    2. They need to show up for the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner.
    3. They must show up on time for the wedding, the photos, etc . . . dressed appropriately.
    4. Usually, they host a bridal shower . . . and sometimes (not always!) a bachelorette party. But others (aunts, cousins, coworkers, godmothers, other assorted friends, etc) can host these parties, if bridesmaids are not stepping up to do so.

    This is about all they really need to do. If they wish to do their own hair and/or makeup, that is fine. If they are too busy to make it to the spa massage, that is fine. I truthfully think the wedding breakfast you’ve planned is unnecessary.

    I think the best thing to do is relax. Get that massage for yourself. Get a pedicure and/or manicure. De-stress a bit. Then step back, and take a good look at everything.

    What is really necessary? How can this wedding be downsized, made more manageable?

  6. Marie says:

    I do not think you are a Bridezilla. What I do think however is that your fiance should go to the food taste testing with you and if he can’t make it ask someone besides your bridesmaids. Someone that you can have a good time with and enjoy the experience.

    Second , if your fiance is not working as long as you are then ask him to make dinner for you until after the wedding when you don’t have so much to do. He can also walk the dog. Or at least one or the other.

    Then sit him down and ask him to help with the invitations. Who cares what the handwriting is like. My husband helped me. They are only going to look at the address for a second before opening it.

    Then cancel the hair appointment. So what if their hair doesn’t turn out great. Serves’ them right. Cancel the spa, massage day. It will save you lots of money.

    And I would think the MOH (your best friend or family member) would want nothing but the best for you and be there to help you whenever she does have free time.

    You are to nice and they figure why worry, you are worrying enough for everyone and pretty much doing it all so they don’t have to.

    As for helping the bridesmaid move. I would bow out and tell her you have to much to do since you can’t get anyone to help you. You wouldn’t be lying.

    As for buying different stuff after spending 100.00 put your foot down and say sorry I can’t afford it. You are not a Bridezilla ! You sound like a very nice person that everyone is taking advantage of.

    If they don’t want to help then do it yourself. But don’t reward them for not helping. I just hope they don’t screw up your bachlorette party.

    Best of luck. I hope the wedding is everything you ever dreamed up . You certainly deserve it. Now be strong and don’t let them walk all over you anymore. It’s your day ! Maybe they are just all jealous.

  7. juliejuliejulie says:

    I got thru the first paragraph is all, but I can tell you: yes, you are Bridezilla. What is this event about? Your throning, your debutante party, the movie role you never auditioned for?
    A wedding isn’t a movie premiere, few of the guests will realize or appreciate that you spent 12 months or your life orchestrating it.
    If I were your bridesmaid I would bag out too. Why in the world should they pay big money and spend hard hours for the privilege of kissing your shoes?
    You don’t need to be throwing an extravagant wedding, I’m sorry to say, and your friends are not your servants.

  8. ynra BTB 5-09-09 says:

    I don’t think you are being a bridezilla but i do believe that when planning a wedding we cannot count on our bridesmaids doing things for us and getting mad because they can’t do it or in your case they don’t want to. Things like calling caterers and sending invites are your responsibilities. If they offer to help you then that’s different. I’m also getting married and thank god the bridesmaids have offered to help me in some things but i do know that anybody could say they could help me now and when the time comes they are busy doing something else. That’s why I’m planning to do everything myself thank god i’m a stay at home mom so time is not a problem with me but if i did work I would hire somebody to help me with the wedding. You say you “need” them to help plans things with you this is your wedding and you plan things yourself. If you feel that in your lunch break you could get things done then get them done in your lunch break. If you are too busy to do things yourself then you need to hire help. They are people out there that help you out for very little money.
    good luck

  9. Gretchen K says:

    Sorry to burst your bubble, but bridesmaids are not free labor. It’s very nice if they can help you, and most will offer to do so, but they shouldn’t be responsible for calling caterers, arranging tasting, or sending our your invites. Those are your (and your fiance’s) jobs. Yes, you’re right, you can probably take care of all these things on your lunch break better than they can. It’s your wedding and you know how you want things to go. It is not their fault that you work 12 hours a day. Also, the fact that you already nixed two bridesmaids tells me there’s a problem.

    Actually, I’ll stop typing now because I actually thought this question was so far off base that it might be the work of a troll…

  10. nova_queen_28 says:

    Yes, it is a-ok to expect them to order their dresses on-time, go to a hair trial and be with you the day before the wedding for the rehearsal dinner. And if they don’t do these things, you are in the right to give them the boot.

    This may come off as harsh, but your bridesmaids are your friends not your wedding servants. I don’t think they are supposed to be mailing your invitations or setting up appointments for you.

    If you want the wedding stuff done and can’t do it, hire a coordinator. Don’t expect someone else to do it for you.

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