How do we avoid wedding invitation jealousy?

June 6th, 2011

My fiance and I want to keep our wedding small. We want just our immediate family and a few very close friends. But my whole extended family wants to be there. How we avoid the drama?

19 Responses to “How do we avoid wedding invitation jealousy?”

  1. hoggod says:

    small wedding larger reception

  2. YouDig? says:

    maybe have a get together later. like a bbq or something easy like that and invite your extended relatives in order to celebrate with them?

  3. txjeepn says:

    Go to Vegas. Travel will weed out the people that just want free booze.

  4. diana lisa says:


  5. Ally says:

    Unfortunately it may not be possible to avoid drama in this situation. You absolutely have every right to have a small wedding, and no one should give you any grief about it but that’s often unavoidable. The best you can do is try to communicate with them about the reason why you are keeping the wedding small to emphasize the fact that you aren’t excluding them, you just can’t invite a lot of people. You can site the cost of a bigger wedding, maybe restrictions of the location you are in, etc, anything to help make your point that its nothing personal. Would it be possible to have a more casual party later to celebrate where you can have more family there? I realize if you are trying to save on the cost, this might defeat that purpose but it would be cheaper to have a party than a bigger reception and that way everyone can still congratulate you but you can still have your small wedding. If none of that works, then really the issue is on their side. You know your reasons for doing it, and ultimately its your wedding. You should be able to have it the way they want, and your family should try to understand that. Good luck!

  6. BUStudent says:

    I think you should invite the extended family. My cousin had a wedding with her immediate family and sorority sisters only, and everyone thought it was cheap and tacky. Particularly since she invited everyone to an “After the Fact Party.” That is literally what it said on the invite. And my fiance’s aunt invited “everyone but the grand kids” and the grand kids are all adults (21 years or older). That made people annoyed also. There is just no way to get around it without making everyone mad, I think. People say “it’s your day” but these family members contributed to who you are, and they rightfully want to attend your wedding.

    PS: Look, we’re Avatar-twins! LOL

  7. Jen says:

    Talk with your parents. They can help you avoid the drama – they know your extended family even better than you do, and they know the magic words that will work.

  8. Fabuloso101 says:

    Tell them your problem then have a family get together after the wedding! Im only a 13 year old girl what can i say?……………… 🙂 Just trying to help!

  9. Half-Way There! says:

    don’t worry about it… have your wedding then send out announcements. It’s nice people are happy for you but having the wedding you want and can afford is the most important.

  10. An excellent advice giver says:

    You can send them a wedding announcement AFTER you are married to let them know you got married and to tell them that you had a small wedding.

  11. Janice 10 says:

    it is your wedding doe what makes you happy. Later n have a BBQ and invite the rest of the family for a reception outdoors. Congratulations on you up coming wedding.

  12. Erin says:

    Simply explain that you are planning a small, intimate wedding with few guest. While you’d love to have all of them there to celebrate with you, you cannot afford more. Perhaps you can plan a get together sometime after the wedding and honeymoon (if you plan on taking one) to share your joy with your loved ones who you were unable to invite to the wedding. I’ve had friends who did this when they had a number of people unable to attend their wedding which was out of state. They showed the wedding video for those who wanted to see. It was just a casual celebration.

  13. marypoppins says:

    elope. people get mad when they’re invited to a party and expected to get gifts, when they were improtant enough to actually have at the wedding. trust me. i’ve heard these exact words from people. my say, if you do have a bbq afterward, ensure that yoru invites say “your presence is all the present we need” or something like that, so people know you’re not just using them for gifts/money; they’ll know you want them there. you’ll most likely get gifts anyway (dont register–TACKY).

    i eloped in vegas. i said F-ED THIS. i couldnt deal w/ the aggravation and all.

  14. Honeybee says:

    Just be upfront and tell them you’re having an intimate ceremony… or lie and say the place you’re getting married is very small and can only accomodate a certain number…. or the wedding package you chose only allows for X number of people…

    If they can’t handle the truth, lie!

  15. Star Princess says:

    There really isn’t a way to avoid the drama. Either you invite them and make them happy or you don’t invite them and tell them you can’t afford a big wedding and are only having a small one.

    They will just have to get over it. You can’t please everyone. It’s your and your fiance’s day. Do what you two want and what makes you happy!

  16. old beatnik says:

    Our daughter faced the same problem. She got married with only parents, siblings, and one grandparent (12 people including wedding party). It was lovely.She got married on a bridge in a flower conservatory. She did not want the expense or the hassle of a large wedding. Most family were happy for them. Some were disappointed. But only one uncle was mad that he was not invited. We did have a big BBQ several months later, and invited all the family, spouses, kids, etc.

  17. doktorangbaliw says:

    You can’t please everyone. If you’re going to “clean up” your guest list, you can “cut across the board” or use objective criteria (like no second cousins) so no one from that aspect of your life gets angry. Finances are difficult right now. I’m sure people would understand if you didn’t have a large wedding celebration. You just have to explain it in a nice way… “We’re sorry we can’t invite you to the actual day due to budget constraints” or something like that.

    Of course if you were Filipino-Chinese, you could actually turn a profit from your wedding. LOL

  18. Huahua says:


  19. I love my love says:

    just don’t invite them. if they don’t get an invitation, they won’t know the date and place and time. you have to make it clear to your immediate family they are NOT to invite people verbally, only those who receive a formal invitation are invited. hopefully the extended family will be happy for you despite their not being invited, as they should, and send you gifts and best wishes anyway. but some people are very petty and expect you to feed 300 family members at a huge reception that puts you into debt for years. stand up for yourself and do it your way, you only get married once god willing.

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