how do i get over something that happened in the past but still hurts 3 years later?

February 8th, 2011

I found out after I was married, that my husband was talking to another girl online and watching her webcam, asking her to do things like take off her bra and other x-rated things like that and wen he was tired of just watching he would tell her to call him so he can hear her come to her climax. He stopped doing that after that one time but what really hurt me is that I found out he was doing that at the same time as talking to me telling me how much he loves me and that I was the only one for him…we was planning a wedding and talking about how much we love each other simultaneously he is talking to the other girl. How can I get over that? it hurt me so bad and when I confronted him about it he says he’s sorry and he won’t do it again….but it stills hurts….and I knw he has been on these online chat rooms talking to other women still…..what should I do?

16 Responses to “how do i get over something that happened in the past but still hurts 3 years later?”

  1. gracey says:

    quit taking the abuse…divorce him

  2. David says:

    get a divorce

  3. Cazzidy says:

    you should have never married him. he is a cyber pervert. im very sorry

  4. rawrr2992 says:


    Any woman wouldn’t deserve him. Once a man has done that, there will always be the chance he will do it. If i were you i would get rid of him. But that’s just me.

  5. Will says:

    You need to accept that there are douche bags out there and go find someone else. If you need help you can go to the doctor and have him prescribe you a healthy dose of man the f*** up. Two to three doses of that and you should be able to break him over your leg.

  6. Blondie says:

    Counseling. If nothing comes of that, you need to leave him. You don’t trust him and you have no reason to trust him either. He’s proven that. A relationship can’t exist without trust.

  7. TRIXIE says:

    i know this is not the answer you are probably looking for,

    but if i found out my husband was doing that i would probably seriously laugh my azz off.

    just the whole visual i got reading that..

    seriously, that is so stupid and apparently there are a lot of Very Stupid men out there.

  8. Ellie says:

    Time will not heal anything if he is still on the computer. You are not being given time to trust him. He has to make an effort to make you feel safe, if he isn’t than you need to move on without him.

  9. tink says:

    Don’t trust him!

  10. Amy says:

    Confront him about it, see what he says…. i wouldn’t say jump straight into a divorce if there is a chance you can be happy together and make it work its always best. Talk to him and tell him you don’t like that behaviour and it really hurt you. If he cares enough about you then he will stop and apologise, if not he isn’t worth your time! x Best of luck x

  11. Krishna says:

    i know exactly what you feel like my soon to be husband cheated on me and now he says to never do it again. all you can do is give him ultimatums. tell him if you catch him in any site of those kinds that everything between you is over. if he does it behind your back thats a sign that that marriage will go nowere. i know it hurts but something you just have to ignore those feelings and move on.

  12. Estelle says:

    At least it was only webcam. Look but don’t touch. My fiance cheated me many times, and I found out only after the breakup, that he cheated me with at least 5 different women in the span of 1 year. He didn’t have webcam chats, he did the real thing. This is very hard to take. He had sex with my friend, 5 days before he proposed marriage. I am able to forgive, but I told him I could never be with him again, nor become his wife. You can talk to him, without being hysterical, and tell him that it really hurt you. If he truly loves you, he would not do that anymore. If he justifies his actions, then he is likely to cheat you after you will be married. So you better think well before marrying him. But then, if he is repentant of what he did, go ahead and leave the past behind.

  13. Richard C says:

    d-i-v-o-r-c-e…..if this is a permanent wedge in the marriage.

  14. ? says:

    get over it or remove everything that reminds you of the pain [everything]

  15. new me says:

    Dear I know it’s hard. But lets think rationally with feelings aside… many men like pornography some of them like to watch on the TV channels, he would fantasize about the actors in the movie and do his thing but the difference is that on the net whatever he did it was the same except that the actor was alive person.(he never betrayed you by going out with that person right)? But he had his fantasies that he couldn’t let go although he loved you as he said. If you try to understand him maybe if he never did any of this he would have done it in his mind because it is in his nature…You should accept him as he is with his sexual fantasies and provide him yourself new sexual ideas or leave him if you don’t like him…Many people has fantasies such as your husband but they don’t express it they repress it, even women. If you decide to forgive him he will do it again, if not on the net in his mind…so decide if you can live with his true nature and provide him yourself some activities that will win that internet and make him look only at you…

    Don’t think too much and don’t hurt yourself…

  16. Genevieve says:

    Only you know whether you want to stay with him or not but I will tell you something — you will never forget. And it will always creep up and you will remember. Forever.
    My husband did something similar–looking for sex online… and I tried to get past it but you know what… I couldn’t. Then it turns out he actually had cheated on me. We divorced.

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