Flower Girls not invited to reception?

May 11th, 2011

My cousin is getting married and has asked my daughters along with my 2 nieces to be in the wedding as flower girls. The problem is the wedding is an hour and a half away and the girls are not invited to the reception because it is adults only. We don’t know of any sitters in the area or even have a place for a sitter to watch the girls. We are not planning on getting a hotel room and are driving home after the reception. What is the wedding etiquette?
1. my cousin is 25 so she doesn’t really “get it”(our situation)
2. I don’t want to be one of those annoying relatives to call up and say “Can my kid come to the wedding?”
3. The flower girl dress was cheap and grandma bought it.
4. It states “Adults Only” on the RSVP card so even if my daughter comes, we probably will feel awkward and get stares from his side of the family who couldn’t bring their kids.
5. My daughter is 5 and likes to play chase. I would be mortified if she misbehaves.
6. I thought about sending her home with my husband but it stinks he can’t come to the reception with me.
7. We are already paying for a sitter to stay home with my 3 year old son.

7 Responses to “Flower Girls not invited to reception?”

  1. urbangirl says:

    I have attended wedding receptions were it was adult only as well. What you can do is mention it to your cousin (bride or groom) your dilemma.

    Maybe your cousin (bride and groom) can rent a room at the hotel, hire a sitter for the flower girls and feed them. While you parents are at the reception.

    They should reasonably accommodate you and your girls.

  2. toastergirl says:

    That is ridiculous. If they are going to have children be a part of the ceremony, they should be the ones to have a separate play area. You can do three things:

    1. Call your cousin and explain the situation. I recommend this. Ask “what do you think i should do?” She will most likely realize this flaw and allow your children to come.
    2. Leave right after the ceremony
    3. Don’t go at all

    I recommend them in that order. If you dont show, it might cause a rift. However, your cousin has been careless in her planning

  3. Katlady says:

    That’s quite rude, I mean what are you supposed to do with them? Much as I hate kids, I wouldn’t do that. I would tell her sorry, but we can’t find a sitter for them so we can’t make the wedding. It’s rude to invite people to your wedding but not the reception, big breach of etiquette and selfish too.

  4. Emily French says:

    So your daughters (you) have to pay for flower girl dresses only so they can be literally props in this wedding? Awesome.
    This bride is incredibly rude. If I were you, I wouldn’t go to the wedding at all.

  5. Susan Woodson says:

    Your situation is difficult and it sounds like you won’t be making it. Tell her that you cannot find a babysitter and that you can’t attend the reception. She should be very understanding, and maybe she will have a solution.

  6. mejaki says:

    Your cousin is asking you for a favour, so she(?) is going to have to work with you on this. I understand them wanting to have an “adult only” reception, but if children are going to be a part of the ceremony, then provisions have to be made for them to be taken care of. Can your cousin recommend a good babysitter, and maybe a place for the girls to stay while the reception is taking place? If not, tell them that your girls won’t be able to be flower girls, as you can hardly leave them in the car with the window cracked while the reception is taking place, and it’s too far of a drive to simply attend the ceremony and then leave.

  7. Shelley says:

    At some point someone has said to the bride ”what about the flower girls? They’ll be at the wedding, then what?” and she has responded with ”not my problem” or something similar. Very inconsiderate. She wants flower girls, but she also wants an adult only reception, and it’s her big day, isn’t it? so someone else can worry about that.

    Wedding etiquette is that you make sure your attendants and guests are happy and comfortable. They are not just an audience to your wedding – they are your family and community. The bride is using the little girls as props, and that’s all. She can’t really use people like that. Either she has an adult wedding with no flower girls, or she has a family friendly wedding with little children running around (which I think is lovely). Let her know that this is a problem for you that you can’t resolve. Either your daughter misses out on being a flower girl, or she comes to the reception too. If your cousin doesn’t get it, speak to her mother, or another relative who might be able to negotiate a solution.

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