Fiance too involved in wedding planning?

April 29th, 2011

My fiance is way too involved in our wedding planning. I don’t do things I don’t want to but he can definitely be controlling. I don’t normally like being the center of attention but let’s be honest the wedding day is all about the BRIDE…what she’s wearing, her hair, her makeup, flowers…and I’m looking forward to that for once. (I’m not saying it’s not an important day for the groom)

I might have the opposite of some women but I need to let him know to back off and let me do the planning. Any suggestions or past experiences that might help?

18 Responses to “Fiance too involved in wedding planning?”

  1. Tammy says:

    I hate it when people say that a wedding day is all about the bride. It is not! TWO people are getting married, not just you! The day is about the BOTH of you and your commitment to each other. Not wanting him to help in that, and to have the day be only about you is very selfish.

  2. The Judge says:

    usually it’s the women who is the control freak, it appears there might actually be two control freaks trying to wed… hahah should be interesting.
    It won’t last sweetie, especially if you can’t even get past the wedding plans…

  3. Garth E says:

    LOL – My daughter had the same issue in her wedding. Bottom line is it is his wedding too and unless he is interferring directly with you (dress, makeup, hair) he should have a say. Most brides would be happy their fiance wants to participate.

  4. melouofs says:

    I’m sorry, but the wedding day is NOT about what a bride is wearing. A wedding day is about the two of you formally promising yourselves to one another for the rest of your lives. The rest, while great, is just fluff.

    Your fiance should have as much to say about the wedding as you do. This day is about you as a couple, not about either of you individually.

  5. perfectvelvet says:

    If you can’t compromise on the wedding, how do you plan on surviving the marriage? The wedding day is NOT about the bride; it is about the COUPLE, and since you refuse to let your future spouse have any say in a day that HE shares with you, you should probably postpone the wedding and seek pre-marital counseling to make sure you two can actually do this!

  6. November Rain says:

    Wedding day is NOT all about the BRIDE. You are sooo wrong. It’s also about the person who was willing to spend the rest of the life with you. It’s his wedding day too.

  7. Spindrift says:

    What a spoiled self centered nasty low class brat you are, if it’s all about the BRIDE then marry yourself and don’t have a groom. Idiot. My condolences to your groom to be, he is in for a rough ride, hopefully he will leave you within the year. And you are EXACTLY saying it’s not an important day for the groom, in his case, a trip to the gallows.

  8. The Original GarnetGlitter says:

    No, dear..the wedding is NOT ALL ABOUT THE BRIDE…that is a self serving statement encouraged by the Wedding Industry to extort as much profit as possible by convincing the bride that is true and she MUST have this and that……shamefull. The poor groom and often the families get bulldozered over…..

    The wedding is all about a couple getting married…that should be the primary focus, NOT the materialistic and shallow things like what the bride LOOKS LIKE……

    He SHOULD have input if he wants some….most brides complain that their fiances do NOT get involved enough…he’s not a Ken doll you dress up and have show up at the altar…

    ..and you BOTH need to compomise with your ideas for the wedding, too. Yes, it’s your ‘dream’ but Hello.. the reality IS it should only be all your way IF only you are a bride with no groom….get it?

    My groom had input in the kind of wedding, what he wore, the food served, etc….only FAIR.

  9. blah blah blah says:

    Be happy even thankful that he’s helping out! Most women have the opposite problem. The future groom doesn’t want to do anything.

    And yes most of the attention goes toward the bride on her wedding day. But don’t forget that it’s about both of you the bride & groom!

    My suggestion is to let him do or plan whatever he wants and if you don’t like something then talk to him about it. Remember the reason you are getting married to him.

  10. Erica R says:

    Your argument is infantile. The thing is, most of us planning want to have our fiance’s more involved to shoulder some of the stress but they are in front of the big screen with their friends playing Playstation 3 online opponents and drinking beer. The thing is, when you decided to become a couple and get married you traded the “I” for “we” so, no, the day is not all about you. It is about the two of you, as a couple, becoming one. I really hope you don’t verbalize to your fiance that the day is all about you because this will make you sound like a Bridezilla and that is the last thing you need to turn into. If you feel that he is not compromising with you on things that you want then sit down and communicate to him that this is something that you have thought of since you were a little girl and if it’s at all possible to have it almost exactly like you envisioned then that would be truly appreciated. You don’t want your dream exactly like you envisioned because you need to consider his feelings and idea’s as well. The two of you melding your ideas and dreams together means that the day will be indicative of who the two of you are, not just who you are. This is not your birthday or sweet 16, where everything is your way. You have to learn to consider your fiance as well. Compromise but don’t give totally in to everything he wants, that is not compromising and will set the stage for you giving in within the marriage and you want to steer clear of that as well. Good luck and best wishes!

  11. MM says:

    As everyone else is saying, people don’t come to weddings to admire the bride and her sense of style: they’re there to honor the fact that two people have decided to join their lives together. Two. And as one of those people, your fiance is entitled to have an important role in the planning.

    That said, if he’s trying to micromanage things and has a history of being controlling, that’s an issue that goes way beyond the wedding. Figure out specific areas of the planning that are really important to you versus the ones where you could stand to relinquish control, compare lists with him, and see if you can divvy up the responsibilities that way. Alternatively, figure out exactly what about the way he’s approaching the planning bothers you (hint: his simply having an opinion to offer is not an acceptable complaint) and talk to him about how it’s making you feel. If you’re still at an impasse after that, then put the preparations on hold and get yourselves to premarital counseling. Otherwise, you might end up with a beautiful party, but the marriage itself won’t last very long.

  12. Sausage Mahoney says:

    So what demands or suggestions is he making that you think are inappropriate? Other than telling you what to wear (that’s a secret for the wedding day), he should have just as much right as you to make any decisions on the wedding.

  13. Christy V says:

    I’m going to go against the grain here and empathize with your situation. I completely understand what you’re saying.. you are not saying its not important for him to have a say in the wedding (as you bluntly stated in the question… I guess the others cant read clearly) you just feel like there are too many cooks in the kitchen. I get it.

    I can see where you’re coming from in the sense that while you may not want to be the center of occasion all the time your wedding is something that most little girls dream of, fantasize about, plan, etc. throughout their childhood/teen years/early twenties. While your fiance was dreaming about being a jet pilot when he was 8 you were probably imagining what your wedding dress would look like, when he was in his preteens he was probably talking to his friend about girls and you were probably sharing wedding fantasies with your best friends. I totally understand that a wedding is something special, important, beautiful, and a moment most girls cant wait for. It is only natural for the woman to feel like its her birth right to be the one to call the shots.. after all, she has probably been planning in her head even the smallest details of this occasion for over a decade.

    That said, I do feel that most decisions can be made between the both of you. If he is unwilling to do even that then maybe you need to sit him down and explain that this is a celebration of BOTH of you. And that both of you need to be represented in every part of the wedding.

  14. Nate & Ryan's mom says:

    If the wedding day were all about the bride, you wouldn’t need a groom to have a wedding. The wedding day is about the couple. Now if you imagined planning your wedding alone or with your mom, etc and very little or no help from your fiance, then you need to say so. It doesn’t mean he’ll just back off because clearly he’s as invested in the day as you are. And he should be, it’s his wedding too. As you mention, many brides dream of having a groom who shows at least some interest in planning the wedding. It can be quite frustrating to ask for his opinion and just get “whatever you decide is fine with me” as the response. But if you don’t really want his input, it can be just as frustrating to have him constantly giving it. Either way, this day is about both of you. So each of you has every right to contribute. You need to sit down and think about the areas of planning that are really important to you and find out which ones are really important to him. Then you compromise (marriage lesson #1) and decide who will plan which areas and which areas will be handled together. You also need to establish how you’ll compromise when there’s a disagreement. You want pink flowers, he wants white; how will you work it out? Pick from a hat? Play a game of one-on-one basketball? A game of Uno? Whatever works for you guys. But you need to find a way to compromise that you can use anytime a wedding planning disagreement comes up. And most importantly, you have to stop thinking that this day is all about you.

  15. truefirstedition says:

    Oh, I’m sorry, I thought it was his wedding day too.

    Maybe you need to back off and let him be an equal part of the special day that the two of you are going to SHARE.

  16. rosie says:

    You should be happy that he wants to help, but if your feeling over whelmed about it talk to him and let him know that you want to pick some things out for your wedding. Most grooms are not too involved.

    Congrats!

  17. Calypso says:

    It sounds like your question has been misinterpreted by most of the ppl answering on here!

    I noticed you used the word controlling, I’m guessing that means he is making decisions without consulting you or being willing to compromise. It is great if you two can pick out things and plan together, but it isn’t good if he is just say “I want this and this is how its going to be” or if he gets home from work and says “honey I picked out the colors for the wedding” without even consulting you.

    Sit down with him and have a heart to heart. Tell him how you have been dreaming about planning this special day since you were a little girl, and that it fills your heart with joy that your wedding means so much to him that he is taking such an active role. However tell him (very sweetly) that you are feeling a little left out of the planning, would he agree to make this a partnership?

    If he isn’t willing to share the planning role then I’d say that is a red flag, you don’t want him to dictate how every thing in your life happens from this date on do you? Key word: Partnership!

  18. Leather and Lace says:

    Tell him to quit or you are not going to be marrying him. Men don’t care about weddings, while women have dreamed (or most) of being married since they were little. I would NEVER let my husband/fiance control me in such a way, if I don’t want it or like something, it’s NOT happening. Especially on MY wedding day. You have a right to be mad, confront him.

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