do i have to invite my “stepsister” to the engagement party?

May 15th, 2011

Here’s the deal…

I am NOT close with her, or my “stepmother”. I keep using “quotes” because I feel strange even calling them my “step” anything…I was grown when my dad married her mom, we never lived together, etc. Truth be told, I have an even BIGGER problem with my “stepmother”, but WILL be inviting her simply because she is my dad’s wife, therefore she can come along with him. But I wouldn’t go out of my way just to invite his wife, so do I really have to go out of my way to invite her daughter??

I really am trying to make the best of this situation. But to me, an engagement party is more for my immediate family and my FH’s immediate family (plus some really close friends of his parents who are like family)…just like a meet and greet for everyone involved to get to know each other. My “stepsister” really isn’t gonna be involved in the wedding at all. She will be a guest, but not planning or helping or anything. I do intend to invite her to the wedding SHOWER, but to me, the engagement party needs to be a smaller, more intimite group so everyone can get to know each other.

Sorry so long! This sucks! LOL what do you all think??

7 Responses to “do i have to invite my “stepsister” to the engagement party?”

  1. jacl_8196A says:

    First of all, congratulations! I hope you’re happy with your your other half.
    Next, it is YOUR wedding. Everyone will emphasize that it is YOUR wedding. With that being said, the whole process is yours (and hubby) to control. If you feel like your stepsister will be nothing but a helpless person in the party (Sorry if you are offended) then it is your choice to say no. But then again, she could always drop a suggestion or two, and you can always choose to accept or decline.
    Once again, congrats! 😀

  2. Linda P says:

    Yes Cinderella, invite your “stepmother” and “stepsister” on your Dad’s invitation. A wedding is no time to be spiteful. Show your maturity instead of your childish side. Everyone has both sides, just right now you need to show the better side of yourself and shine. You’ve no idea how much you are being watched and judged right now!! If you can invite his parent’s friends, sure to god you can find a couple extra chairs for your dad’s “family” too.

  3. Avis B says:

    The engagement party has a specific purpose and that is to formally announce the engagement of Mary Smith to John White. Traditionally, the Bride’s parents are the hosts (plan, organize, and pay for) of the engagement party. And if the Bride’s parents are unable to do that then the Groom’s family or a close friend or family member should host the party. The engaged couple SHOULD NOT host their own engagement party, they are the honored guests, unless there are no other alternatives.

    You, the engaged couple, should NEVER NEVER NEVER invite anyone (friend or family member) to a party or dinner or any other event who will make you unhappy or uncomfortable or angry. Would you invite a swarm of bees to a picnic?

    Also, YOU, the Bride, should not be organizing or planning or inviting anyone to the bridal shower. Neither the Bride nor the Bride’s Mother nor the Groom’s Mother nor any other immediate family member should host (organize, plan or pay for) a bridal shower. It is inappropriate and a form of solicitation.

    I strongly suggest that you buy a wedding etiquette book.

    Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant

  4. M S says:

    Have you considered she may not be all that thrilled to be invited either? She may not be any more thrilled with her Mom’s remarriage than you are with your Dad’s!

    I suggest you invite her, in the interest of family harmony. Not inviting her may cause problems for your dad, and how kind is that? Invite her and her significant other, then it is up to her to decide to come or not. When it comes to family, inclusion is best.

  5. Messykatt says:

    Yeah, we were all in our teens when my dad married my “step” mom. I get that part!

    But here’s where I think you’ll run into trouble. If you invite her to the engagement party but not the shower, this comes across as you’ll accept a gift from her at the shower, but don’t consider her close enough to be part of the engagement party group. And the shower is also for closest friends and family, so it would likely be a somewhat similar group to those invited to the engagement event.

    Even though I understand where you’re coming from (in fact, my sister got forced by my step mom to use our foreign exchange student in her bridal party and she’d never even met her!)…anyway, you really have no choice. This is a “keep the peace” thing.

  6. Priรciℓℓα ✟ says:

    Yes, if you are inviting her mother, to not invite her would be very rude and likely would be taken personally.

  7. Garnet Glitter's No BS Zone says:

    The purpose of the engagement party is for the two families to meet…whether you like it or not, step sister IS family via marriage to your Dad, she is his step daughter and to not invite her is a deliberate social slap in the face…..very, very immature, very very offensive. Step sisters thru marriage ARE immediate family, you know….

    If you want to start a big family feud, do NOT invite your step sister and honestly, your mother raised you better than that I hope.

    …and if you don’t give a damn about what is mature or proper, if it’s all about YOU, then at least think about your father…if his step daughter is NOT invited his wife will go after him AND you….and then Dad will be having a ‘talk’ with you….lovely way to keep the peace, right?

    Time to grow up Baby Girl…adults must sometimes do things they don’t like because it’s the right thing to do.

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