Breaking it to the MIL…..?

October 21st, 2010

My boyfriend and I aren’t even engaged yet, we picked out the ring together and bought it, but it’ll be a surprise when he proposes (as it should be), and already his mother has stepped in with “plans” to help me out. She asked me about a few plans I had in mind, which are only a few at this point and I mentioned that I possibly wanted my bf’s sister in law to be my matron of honor, she’s a great girl and I really want her to be, his mother immediately said well you can’t do that unless you have **** (his sister) as your maid of honor then, because you’ll offend her. Why do I HAVE to have her in it much less as a maid of honor?
According to my future SIL my MIL has always been that way and she says I should prepare for it to get worse as the wedding gets closer….how do I be polite and don’t offend her (which I doubt I can avoid) and let her know that I don’t want her help..in not so many words 🙂 ?

11 Responses to “Breaking it to the MIL…..?”

  1. joyful.lady says:

    Politely remind her that this is your wedding. Your maid of honor should be someone that you are very close with and trust since they will be in charge of a lot of things. You may need to have your boyfriend step in and say something to your om as well. MIL’s usually handle it better from the son, and not the “other woman”

  2. Thomas' Mummy X says:

    Your just gonna have to offend her.It’s your wedding your day and whatever you say goes she’s not gonna like it but so what it’s your day.I have been married for 3 months and with my husband for 9 years and my MIL is still a pain in the ass dictating what goes on in our lives.The wedding she wanted my hubby’s side all involved but she got told straight either way she will find somthing else to moan about so just put her straight :0)

  3. truefirstedition says:

    You say, politely, “Thanks so much for the suggestion, Brenda. I’ll have to give it some thought first.”

    And then you change the subject. And whenever possible, let your fiance deal with her.

    Remember, people can only take advantage of you if YOU let them.

  4. dragongirl88 says:

    She sounds like a drama queen. I found that smiling at insecure control freaks and not saying anything gives them no ammo to fire back at you or irritate you. She is merely fishing for a reaction.

    My stepdad is a bossy-boss and I found that simly smiling and not saying anything makes him insecure and he doesn’t know if I agree with him or not and therefore he does not know how to react and the situation is diffused because he feels powerless.

  5. ♥2009 Bride♥ says:

    Stand your ground and be polite. If you do not want the person in your wedding, DON’T put them there. If your MIL gets offended, so be it. Just plan your wedding and it may be best to not mention any plans to her. Just tell her it’s a surprise and you’re keeping the details under wraps.

    If she was paying and it was me, I’d tell her not to worry about it, and then start saving. My fiance and I are doing our wedding ourselves, because we don’t want anybody turning into control freaks thinking that the almighty $$$ puts them in control of YOUR day. My fiance thinks his dad and step mom aren’t paying for our reception(like they did with all his step siblings) because we chose not to do our wedding at a VFW… or it’s just that he’s always felt they put his step siblings above him and his brother… They HAD offered to pay for the reception, but when they found out it wasn’t at a VFW, they offered to pay for the rehearsal, which we weren’t even going to do in the first place.

    My friend had NO Control over HER wedding because everybody else paid, and it turned out Crappy. Nobody put any details into decorations, and 2 of her bridesmaids were chosen for her. She has alot of regret to this day that her first and only wedding wasn’t what she wanted because everybody else wanted it THEIR(selfish and stupid) way.

  6. Danni says:

    you really need to make sure that you and your man put her in her place NOW. it should be the both of you, with your man talking as well. he needs to have some balls and stand up to his mother because it will only get worse, the sister sounds about right to me. dont let her do this to you both. it is your wedding, dont let her get in between because that will cause a lot of resentment and arguing and thats the last thing you want. thank god that came out of her now before it got too late. consider eloping if she gets too bad, tell her to get lost if she cant keep in place. how rude. your gonna be each others new family and she has no business making demands on the bride! your man is yours and dont let her do this to you.

    just tell her that has much as she thinks she is helping, she is not, she is not to put demands on you as it is about the 2 of you, not you, him plus her.

  7. mozabrat says:

    No, you do not have to have her. Just let her know the wedding party has already been chosen and that the maid of honor is your best friend, sorry the sis will have to sit on the sidelines. Stand your ground and do not let her walk all over you. Get your man on board with this right away, he should help run interference if he knows how his mother is.
    Tell the sister in law first……I know your mom wants you to be my MOH, but I have already asked and chosen that person as well as the rest of the party. SImple as that. My SIL would never be in my wedding….no nono. Plant your feet now or else she will run all over you.

  8. Captain Obvious says:

    Listen.
    Unless you establish yourself as the one in charge now, you never will be. Whenever she buts in – you must say to her in a perfectly ordinary conversational tone ‘Hey – behave yourself please. I dont like that.’
    Say it the way you would to a child, but gently. It is all about how small you can make her feel at that moment.

    As soon as your MIL says something – say gently – ‘no it wont be that way.’ and smile. THen say ‘ – – – – (name) I know you are a bossy woman and you like to get your way, but with me no one has their way except your son.’

    It is about the way you do it all.

    If you do the whole (serious tone, wanting to come to an agreement) ‘please, lets talk about this’ then you have dug your own grave. You must be in charge from the beginning, because once you are conquered, thats it, hon. game over.

  9. Rachel B says:

    I guess just say that you’ll keep her in mind, and do whatever the heck you want. After the wedding, she won’t remember. She’ll get over it.

  10. My thoughts says:

    Thank her for every suggestion and tell her you’ll consider the idea.

    It wouldn’t hurt to agree to a couple of her suggestions. It IS her son getting married, after all.

  11. Under Pressure says:

    Here’s whatcha do… tell everyone that EVERYTHING is a SECRET until the wedding day… then release details as necssary to those that need them. That keeps the well intended big noses out of the planning.

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