Are backyard Weddings rude?

May 12th, 2011

I’ve been invited to a backyard wedding and in my quest to figure out what to wear, I’ve found articles where people think it’s great to focus on buying a house and not “wasting money feeding everyone”. I’m still at a loss as to whether I will get heat stroke or be eating poisoned hot mayo potato salad. I very well may not go if some of my worries are not answered by magic because I’m not going to be the one calling to ask if parasols, mist machines, or fans are planned? Then I might come off as the rude one I think. This puts me in a sticky spot.

I mean come on ppl if you don’t want to feed ppl decent food, don’t invite. Does anyone else out there think this strategy of getting a big turnout for cheap beans and bbq is just plain rude?

Currently I’m thinking that since they broke the rules by having it in such a hokey place in the dead of summer, the rules no longer apply so I can just follow MY whims and decide at the last minute, based on the weather, if I go or not. Even when I show up, or even how long I stay seems up in the air.

I don’t want to be the jerk, but I don’t want to get overheated and suffer for hours after, I will literally stand up and go out front if I’m too uncomfortable. This is fair right? I wouldn’t be in such a spot if it weren’t family. Especially one that I owe a lot to.

Do I owe them a sick day though?
Does anyone else out there think backyard weddings are rude?
Any advice?

22 Responses to “Are backyard Weddings rude?”

  1. Sarah S says:

    Dude it’s a wedding be supportive and go

  2. Saoirse says:

    Wow sorry but your being a b*tch! I think you should rsvp no as you obviously don’t really care about whats important..the bride and groom being marrried at the end of the day!

    Pupp your wedding sounds like lots of fun!!

  3. Pupp says:

    Ummm, I think you just should not go, if you don’t want to. If you were my guest at my backyard wedding, I’d rather not have you there.

    That’s what is so cool about having a smaller do in your garden. The people you invite are more likely your genuine friends. so out of inviting 130 people to our reception at our house (the invite said it was a bbq, bring a plate and / or bottle. we don’t have a wedding list) we’re having an awesome happy bash with about 30 people that we really wanted to come.
    so the caterers budget for BBQ and nibbles feeding for 130 people has been split to feed and drink 30 people, and we now get a top quality spread. So even if these guys do bring their own food / drink, we’re bound to have a really good time.

    We said wear casual. Or dress like a pirate. It really doesn’t matter. And we hired a pool for the weekend too. Bouncy castle, pugil sticks and set up osme mini football goals. But we didn’t tell everyone that.

  4. Sweet_Di says:

    WTF???? We got married by the county clerk the we had a cookout at a friends house with a few friends and family members and no one got sick and everyone had fun. there is nothing worn with a backyard wedding. my brother and his wife got married in her parents back yard it was beautiful. you need to grow up and stop being a jerk.

  5. Spunky says:

    Yeah, you’re the only one who finds it rude. It would be more polite of you to just RSVP that you cannot go, then to show up with that attitude. I know, I personally would not want you at my wedding, family or not.

    You failed to mention why they are having a “hokey” back yard wedding. Is it because its all they can afford, they don’t want to start their marriage in debt, or because they want a casual, fun affair, as opposed to a long, boring, stuffy wedding? Either way, you are BEYOND rude, for even posting this. Please tell, what makes a back yard wedding, and bbq “hokey.”

    I know, for my wedding here in Australia, I am getting married at the Registry office, and then having a huge back yard, pool party, bbq for the reception. Mostly because its all family, and none of use are concerned, in the least about etiquette.
    When we go have our celebration in the states, it will also by a bbq. Call it whatever you like, but it will be a blast.

    I say don’t bother going. They should have only people who are truly happy for them there. They do not need a bit*h like you, with such a negative attitude, ruining their day.

    Grow up

  6. Ama says:

    Julia Roberts got married in her backyard at a BBQ. Is she rude and hokey?

  7. nova_queen_28 says:

    My advice … spare the couple the grief and RSVP as a “no”.
    I attended an August backyard wedding where it was clearly stated “light fare & refreshments” for a 5pm ceremony immediately followed by the reception. THAT annoyed me – running right through dinnertime and you can’t even slap a burger on the grill for me!
    Other than the timing combined with lack of meal-sized food, the wedding was lovely. It was hot, but we were there to see two people get married, which is what its all about at the end of the day!

  8. HIS! says:

    Backyard weddings aren’t rude. I’ll admit that I wouldn’t want to host one in the heat of the summer. But I wouldn’t want to host any outdoor wedding in the heat of the summer. That’s just my personal preference.

    However, your attitude is more rude than the wedding. You need to learn that your comfort isn’t always the most important thing. YES! (X a thousand), the bride and groom should consider their guests’ comfort. And I’m actually wondering if this bride and groom considered that fact. However, if you love them you will be gracious about their circumstances, whatever they are.

    Maybe it’s because they can’t fit everyone they want to celebrate with into a house. Maybe they’re trying to be able to invite the people they love and couldn’t afford it if they rented an expensive hall. I don’t know the reasons.

    So you can choose to go and enjoy, or you can 3itch all day and be miserable. That’s your call. Personally, I’d wear a summer cotton dress with a pretty wide brimmed hat, some fashionable shades, take a large purse with a couple bottles of cold water and a fan, and enjoy. Or I’d stay home and grip about their rudeness. Guess it’s back to you to make the decision. (But whatever you decide, you’d better send that RSVP in if you don’t want to look that an extremely rude, uneducated individual!) 😉

  9. basketcase88 says:

    I don’t think backyard weddings are rude. I do think showing up to a wedding with the attitude you’re displaying IS rude, though. If you’re that worried about getting overheated, then either a) take a mist fan (you can get them at WalMart) and water bottle with you or b) don’t go.

    Also, if it’s in a backyard, then I’m assuming it’s the backyard to a HOUSE. Hopefully with a/c. If you feel overheated, I’m sure you could go inside.

    The bride and groom have the right to have the wedding they want. Maybe a backyard wedding is EXACTLY what they want. It’s their day, period. If they want to have a backyard wedding, then that’s their right. It’s your right to decline the invitation. It’s an invitation, not a jury summons. Of course, since it’s family, be prepared to face some backlash if you decide to stay home.

  10. JNS says:

    How do you know it’s potato salad and burgers in the back yard?

    What if they rent an air conditioned tent for 200 people, had a caterer prepare a gourmet meal, had a band, a cake, etc. It’s very easy to have a “hokey” outdoor wedding cost much more and be nicer than one at a convention hall or hotel.

  11. SKL says:

    Though my wedding was catered, we were actually going for a simple, elegant “backyard wedding” feel. Their event may be very chic and the food might be excellent, even if the venue is humble.

    The wedding is about the people getting married, and they have every right to celebrate it as they see fit. While they don’t have a lot of money to spend, they’ve planned a celebration and invited you because they want to share their special day with you. If you want to support them, you will go. You don’t have to stay for long after the ceremony if you’re feeling ill.

    Rude is badmouthing peoples’ wedding choices in public forums behind their backs, not making prudent financial decisions in hard times.

  12. Lucky Thirteen says:

    it seems like you just want people to agree with you so you don’t have to go.

    NO, backyard weddings are NOT rude.

    people have backyard weddings to save money, but it doesn’t mean they don’t spend anything & feed people food scraps & make them stand in the sun for 6 hours.
    more than likely they’ll have hired tables & chairs & a marquee for shade. they aren’t going to plan a summer wedding & expect people to stand in the sun.

    you say you don’t want to be a jerk but if you don’t go simply because of the weather & your own assumptions then your being a jerk. plain & simple.

    go & support a friend or be a jerk & not go.

  13. lalala says:

    Just because you don’t like something doesn’t make it rude.

    Backyard weddings are not rude. There is no such thing as a rude reception venue (unless it was something sacreligious or truly offensive…a backyard is neither).

    I’m confused why you think that having a backyard wedding = no food/bad food. People are capable of serving good food at any venue…but maybe you don’t think much of your family’s abilitly to host a reception.

    There is nothing wrong with leaving the wedding if you feel ill. I get sick if I am in the heat/sun too long so I may not be able to be outside for that long, but I would never make a show of it or complain. *That* would be rude.

  14. Jilly says:

    I kindly suggest you decline the invitation. It sounds like you would have a better time just sending the couple a card and spending the day inside in air conditioning.

    I’m assuming this is a sarcastic question (if not an outright trolling one) because I have a hard time believing that anyone would be this self unaware.

  15. mexitalican says:

    I think backyard weddings have the potential to be cute and inviting if done correctly. I have also been to some really hokey backyard weddings.

    I think if this truly is a friend of yours or a relative of yours, you need to go. It is not always just the food that is expensive for a wedding. You have to consider halls, dinner rentals, decorations, music, etc. They will be saving so much for their future and still having a day that they have dreamt about.

    Besides, how do you know they won’t have nice food available for their guests? Please support your friends/family and be happy for them. In the end, that is what matters in a wedding, not what food you are served, but that you love your friends and family enough to celebrate with them.

  16. riversconfluence says:

    It is not rude. They can have their wedding wherever they want. In the Sahara desert in Africa, at the top of K-1 in the middle of winter. And at least they are trying to feed you.

    The bathroom is in the house, right? And the house is air conditioned. Go to the bathroom frequently to cool off.

    Watch the food and how long it is out. Don’t eat it if it has been sitting out. Hopefully, you would do this always at all restaurants and buffets and occasions that food is being served. You don’t? Oh, my, I do.

    This is the kind of reception where you come and eat and talk a bit and then wave bye bye. You won’t be there for 6 or 7 hours getting bombed out of your skull for free.

    Dress accordingly, keep an eye on the food, go into the air conditioning when you can, stay in the shade, carry cool off things with you like a damp washcloth in a baggie, stay in the shade when you can.

    And smile. This is a wedding, you said you do not want to be a jerk, you said you owe them, that this is family.
    So, either come up with the money yourself or with other family to have it inside, or go to the outdoor one and smile.

  17. truefirstedition says:

    I think you’re making a lot of assumptions about what this wedding entails. Why the bee in your bonnet?

    First, you’re assuming that they haven’t given any thought to the guests’ comfort. It’s totally possible that there will be a tent, fans, parasols, or other shade, or that the house will be open for people to go sit in the air conditioning. If you want to be sure, you have to ask. You also need to take the responsibility to dress for the weather – light fabrics, light colors, flat shoes. Wear a cute sunhat if you’re worried about overheating.

    You’re also assuming that these people aren’t putting any effort into the food – that they are going to slop a gallon of grocery-store potato salad into a barrel and leave it to spoil in the sun. Unless the couple has a long track record of being totally dumb, I would assume that they have the ability to keep the food cool until it’s ready to be served. And again, if you want the menu, you have to ask. But some backyard weddings are catered, and some have really good casual meals, like gourmet hamburgers on the grill and all kinds of salads.

    Finally, you’re assuming that they are scrimping on every penny like Scrooge. It’s possible that they while they do want to save money, they also may just like the idea of a more casual gathering. A hotel ballroom isn’t the right venue for everyone. Backyard weddings can be economical and fun. I’ve had a great time at all the ones I’ve been to, and they’ve never come across as cheap or thoughtless.

    So my real question is, why have you already decided to have such a bad attitude about this? Why not go and celebrate with your family and see how it actually turns out? My guess is that if you have an open mind and a moderate sense of adventure, you’ll end up having a good time.

  18. prolly says:

    Wow, I bet they are sorry they even invited you!

    Hurry and decline the invite and don’t send them anything but a Congratulations card (those are only a $1.00 — can you handle that?). There’s no reason for you to be “rude” back to them by not showing up at the last minute or leaving in the middle of it.

  19. Oot n Aboot says:

    A backyard wedding is usually for a smaller number of guests, guests the couple really want there and they know who love them. So, if you feel so negative about the kind of wedding they are having and you assume it will be terrible, then don`t go because you clearly can`t just be there for the couple who thinks you love them enough that they invited you to their wedding.

    If you want to go, get off your high horse about how their wedding should be, eat the food you think is okay and be there for your loved ones getting married. Many people have BBQs at home and no one gets sick or has a terrible time.

    EDIT: Perse: I think the criticism comes from the fact that this person is largely assuming it will automatically be a gong show because it is a back yard wedding and anyone would only have a back yard wedding if they were trying to scr.ew over their guests and leave them uncomfortable. If I was going to someone`s wedding in their yard, who I loved, my mind wouldn`t automatically go to how awful it will be and how selfish my loved one was.

  20. iloveweddings says:

    Wow….if I invited you, I would ask for the invite back!

    Seriously….is this a real post?

    I doubt if the potato salad will be sitting out on the front lawn soaking up the sun and the flies for 8 hours. Don’t you think your friends/family/co-worker (whomever is hosting this) has a brain?

    We hosted my son’s rehearsal dinner in our backyard 4 years ago. I had a huge tent (no one overheated), nice linens, and, yes, salads, meats/cheeses, etc. But, when it came time to serve the food, I brought the food out to our shaded deck (put everything on ice….lots of ice), and when people were done, we put it all away! NO ONE got sick.

    But, if you have that attitude, do the couple a favor and stay home!

    NO, backyard weddings are not rude. They are getting more and more popular since the average price of a wedding/reception is $25K.

    PS: Chelsea Clinton just had a backyard wedding/reception! Hardly lame.

  21. Perse says:

    Backyard weddings don’t have to be rude, they can be great. A considerate couple would never have a backyard wedding at the inconvenience of their guests, in order to shave a little money off the budget. If you come across a couple who really doesn’t care about the guests taking part in their day, that’s where you run into problems. And backyard wedding does not have to equal gross, cheap food, it is possible to have a fabulously catered backyard wedding, but these seem to be few and far between. Backyard weddings are very popular where I’m from, I’ve been to many, but I’ve eaten at few, the food is rarely of a quality I would consider edible. It’s unfortunate people try to pass off some of this junk as a meal.

    ETA: I’m surprised at all the criticism you are receiving for your question. You have a valid concern of rude hosting at the inconvenience of the guests. I think the problem lays in people are focusing on backyard weddings, and not the hosts that think a backyard wedding means they can skip catering to their guests. Perhaps, these classless weddings aren’t as common where some people come from, but they’re very common where I’m from and once you’ve been to a few it gets old.

  22. Tamara says:

    Wow, I can’t believe anyone would actually INVITE you to their wedding…

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