Anyone have experience with sex addition?

January 31st, 2011

Has anyone experienced a spouse or BF/GF who has a sexual addition? I am wondering how to approach the topic with my fiancee. We and our 3 children (from previous marriages) all live together and a wedding is planned for next year. However, I have found online profiles on sexually explicit sites, swing and dating sites, pictures of his penis online, porno stuff and videos at the house, IM chats and phone calls to girls who advertise themselves on places like craigslist, and adult channel history on the tv and computer. I have discovered all of this in only the last 6 months. I have suggested counseling but he is very opposed to it and keeps backing out for “work reasons”. I understand this is humiliating and embarrassing to him but we need this to repair our relationship. A lot of damage has been done by his choice to participate and be active in all this. He claims to have never slept with anyone else. I believe, more than he is flat out cheating on me for the thrill, that he has a sexual addiction. I have tried to re-sparke our sex life, buying sexy things and initiating sex more often, but after coninuing to find things, it seems it doesn’t matter what I do. He’s doing his thing anyway. He tells me he loves me and that these actions are like a different person. But then how can someone love you and still do things they know are wrong and hurtful? It reminds me of an alcoholic. Any advice on what to do to help him and us before he does something that makes me call it all off?

5 Responses to “Anyone have experience with sex addition?”

  1. F-Bomb says:

    Get a Taser.

  2. mrs g4 says:

    No…I do not believe it actually exists.
    It’s just another way of ducking responsibility for choosing bad behavior.

    He’s just a horny, disrespectful asshole who thinks with his penis. Dump him and move on.

  3. Lania says:

    well like all addictions – they are extremely hard to overcome. You both need to see a counselor together – you both cant enter marriage unhappy . He needs to listen to you or hes just not worth your time.

  4. Al says:

    There is no such thing as a sex addition. And from the way you perceive life in not normal because no one is perfect in this world and even you. The corrected way to approach the topic with your fiancee is not to belittle him as an addition some people just has a stronger sexual fantasy and desire then others. If you’re serious about your relationship and looking forward to a future with this man. The lesson is you can’t change nobody to do and/or be what you think they should act. humble your Spirit and find what turn him on and what his sexual fantasy? Then you’ll know the serious and can having him looking for you and day light with flashlight. He will destory the other stuff on his on.

  5. Truth Beyond Measure says:

    The truth will set you free. The man has a lust issue and it is being fed by the perversion he entertains. What happens is that this stuff gets into the soul. It is a sin. It is not an addiction. When we are not in control and God is not in control then we have to ask ourselves some serious questions. The issue is not putting on sexy things or having you “act” like the perversion that he is use to. This will only fuel the problem. Love and sex are also two different things.

    Jesus is still the answer. Even an alcoholic, who attends addiction counselling has to acknowledge that they need help from a “divine” source to overcome what they can not overcome on their own. There is also something deeper in him that is unfulfilled in which he is trying to compensate it with this type of sexual activity, but note, it is not satisfying him. Nothing can for the issue is deep in the heart. And truly and truthfully on God can deal with the issues deep inside the heart of a man. Counselling is for the mind. Salvation is for the soul.

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