Wedding is Breaking the Bank!!?

April 19th, 2010

My boyfriend’s old college roommate is getting married next month.

It’s a destination wedding, and the dress code is “evening formal”

So.. My boyfriend and I are buying formal clothes ( The bride sent xeroxes of what was acceptable.)

we bought our tickets ( $ 1,600.00 ) and we booked our hotel. ( $600.00 ) And we will be paying for taxis and meals too.

We have already spent SO MUCH money,My BF is in Grad school so money is tight but we have to go. ( My fella is really close to this his friend.)

The bride emailed me and asked us to get into the country a few days earlier than planned.

How can I tell her nicely that we can’t afford much more.

Also, the wedding registry is very expensive! They registered at Tiffany’s and nieman marcus.

I told my BF maybe we could get them something romantic and sweet? like, Cinderella Champagne glasses? or, monogrammed bathrobes? Mr and MRS… ( their last name)

I’ve never been to a wedding before much less a fancy destination wedding.

What is the polite thing to do?

14 Responses to “Wedding is Breaking the Bank!!?”

  1. Cortney Elin says:

    Send an email back saying you have already made your reservations and can not afford to bump them up.

    The bride will understand.

    And I like the idea of the bathrobes, they tend to go over well as gifts. Just be sure that they’re nice quality, and not going to fall apart in a few weeks of use.

  2. Blunt says:

    Tell the bride that due to scheduling conflicts/non-refundable tickets you are unable to reschedule your trip.

    As far as the bride’s registry, they have $100 items of crystalware on Tiffany’s. Monogramed bathrobes will cost you the same amount or more. Or get them a $50 gift card from Tifanny’s.

    I had a destination wedding and I did not expect anyone to gift us because they have spent so much money alreary. 99% of the guests did gift anyway although gifts were not expected at all.

    Good luck

  3. msjadeybaby says:

    Yikes.. yes, this sounds a little extravagant and they should be aware that not everyone can afford what they’re trying to achieve. sounds somewhat pretentious if you ask me, but anyhow thats not the point. explaining to them that you cant do as much as they’d like is difficult and im sorry youre having to do so. i would have your boyfriend explain to his friend since they are so close and let the groom deal with the bride. this way you dont have to explain your financial situation to a woman that it sounds like you dont know that well. i hope everything works out and you enjoy your trip! make it romantic for you and the boyfriend ; it doesnt have to be all about the newly weds ;]

  4. B2B 8/21/09 says:

    Explain to the bride that you have already made your reservations (plane tickets and hotel) and that you can’t change them now. Just because they have registered at a place doesn’t mean that you have to go off their registry. Getting them something personal would be nice, a wedding should never break the bank even if its your own! This woman sounds like a real bridezilla! (Xeroxing what is acceptable is unacceptable in my opinion) Stick to your guns and don’t spend anymore than you can afford.

  5. fizzygurrl1980 says:

    …Wait a sec, the bride XEROXED you examples of what was appropriate attire for her wedding??? Talk about one rude Bridezilla. If she’d taken time out of her hoity-toity Tiffany registering long enough to pick up a wedding etiquette book, she would have found that it is NEVER correct to include dress code requirements in the wedding invitation, let alone pictures of what would be “acceptable!”

    Also, it is quite presumptuous and rude to register at two such expensive stores after already making everyone to spend well over $2000 just to get to their wedding. A thoughtful bride always includes a variety of items in a reasonable price range on her registry. OK, so she may have expensive tastes, but she should have registered at one slightly more affordable store, like Bed Bath and Beyond, in order to accomodate those of her guests who might not be able to afford a $5,000 silver tea set or a $500 toaster. I would suggest that you and your man get her a sweet engraved picture frame from Things Remembered or maybe a set of champagne flutes with their new monogram on it. Nothing over $50 for sure, though.

  6. B2B says:

    i would just reply to her email, tell her you have already made your bookings and reservation there’s no way you can afford to change them, she should understand

    as for the gift i would get the bathrobes that sounds lovely,
    just because there registered does not mean you have to get a gift from there lists, get what you can afford

  7. ladytaurus83 says:

    Tell her. You know that this means a lot to her, but you still have you day to day responsibilities to finance. This is a very special occasion, and you all wouldn’t miss it for the world, but you really cant afford an extended vacation right now. Ask her if there is a way that you can help without paying the extra accommodations. As far as the gift, I would do the monogrammed robes, but with initials.

  8. Sami says:

    I think you should email the bride back and explain the situation; that you have already purchased the tickets and there is no way you can get them moved up a couple days. She should be willing to understand since this is costing the two of you a lot of money. On the other hand, I agree that the bathrobes are a great idea.

  9. Dinesh Desh says:

    just tell the bride ……….. inform her

  10. Garnet Glitter says:

    The polite thing is to tell the bride you are unable to fly in any earlier than you are booked for because of prior commitments in your lives…..if she is reasonable she will understand the world does NOT revolve around her wedding…if she does not, that’s HER problem. Or, suggest nicely that she pay for the extra days spent at the hotel if she wants you two there sooner, since you cannot afford it.

    As far as the gift..give what you can afford. The gift registry is a suggestion, NOT a requirement…if they refuse to understand that money is tight for you, then they aren’t really friends to begin with…they should be gratefull you two are even attending their destination wedding…many fols who can afford to, won’t….and the xerox of the dress code is way beyond rude, perhaps it would serve the bride better if you gifted her with a book on proper etiquette ’cause the gal is obvious totally clueless….wow..good luck.

  11. nova_queen_28 says:

    Destination weddings are costly.
    If I were you, I’d tell her that between the reservations already being made and your limited vacation time from work (or acceptable time away from school) that you are not able to arrive any earlier.

    AND as for a gift, I’d put $50 in a card and call it a day! If you feel you need to get them something – your ideas are lovely & personal.

    Guests should not have to go broke in order to attend someone else’s wedding!

  12. String of pearls says:

    Personally if it was costing me that much I would be really offended to be told I had to try and stay longer, at that cost I think she should be extremely pleased that you’re even going as I certainly wouldn’t be. To me it takes everything special out of the day, the thing that is special is promising to love and care for one another forever in front of those who love and care about you. Not making it as tough as possible for them to be there. I think you should be very straight with her, your money is to spend on what you want and you are being very kind attending her destination wedding anyway.

  13. 4REEE says:

    Do what you can afford to do *without* incurring debt!


  14. SweetiePie says:

    I would just respond to the bride that although you would love to come a few days early that you have already made all your arrangements and since money is a little tight you are not able to change the plans.
    Sign off with a nice line like “Sorry we can’t come in early but we can’t wait to be there for the wedding.”

    That is really all you can do at this point.
    As for the gift, either give a gift card or get them something not on the registry like what you mentioned above.

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