To have a wedding or not?

April 8th, 2010

Okay, so easily we could figure out 250 people to invite to our wedding but the cost would be outragous. (Friend just had one for 300 people and skimped on everything and still cost her 14000) We would probably go into debt for it or have to ask our parents for help. So then we thought, we would do on for 100 people and knock it down a bunch on price, then the issue became would people be offended that we didnt invite them (also paying for it on our own, its probably all we could afford to break even) My grandmother suggested getting married privately with just our parents and taking them out for a nice dinner, and then sending a wedding announcement saying we had been married and even though we wish they could have been there with us, we decided to save the money that we would have put towards a wedding into an account for a home within the next few years. (She said people that loved us would probably still send gifts and that just because you have a wedding/reception doesnt mean you will get more gifts, plus your paying out to get that gift, so you are buying it for yourself basically) she said people would think of this decision as mature and respectable. We could also put something on there like, next time we see you we will have to celebrate.

I wanted a christmas/winter wedding next november/december and she said its rude to have a wedding when their could be bad weather and people will not come because of it. Maybe instead we could get married privately and then take a nice mini vacation/honeymoon to somewhere and still save a ton of money compared to a wedding. I think I’d rather not deal with the whole to do and drama of a ceremony/reception planning, I do not think I would like to be the center of attention for the day (silly for a girl right?lol)

Tell me your thoughts, its financially smart but is it overall going to make me wish I had the wedding with a ton of people. Was your wedding worth the cost?
Thanks Moi, yea…that is our biggest point, if we do it the 20+ people way, it will let us pay off the rest of both our car payments, the credit card and then we will start our life as a married couple with NO DEBT. and we will have some money saved. Which is huge since he was laid off for nearly a year and I had college debt on my credit card so those bills were high and if we do it this way, we wont have any payments owed to anyone. At 22 and 25, no car payments or c.c or loans owed is something to breath easy about.
In the end, we sat our parents down (they were strongly for increasing the guest list) and explained the not wanting debt to prove our love to anyone and that if they were insisting more, they would have to help pay. They (mine) are going to pick up the food bill and his are going to pick up the reception hall rental deposit.

Im capping our mothers at 150 total, unless they can justify to me the extra spending for fifty more people. Right now they got nothing, so we will see a year from now. My mother wanted 300-350. so its a big compromise for her.

I wanted us to pay it on our own because I have been independant on my bills including moving out into my own place at 18 so to start asking for money now would be wierd but they offered and Im not going to turn them down.

Thanks everyone!

3 Responses to “To have a wedding or not?”

  1. Moi says:

    I just got married 6 months ago. we had the same problem but what we did was that we had a small church wedding and then went out with our parents, brothers and sister for dinner. I was still wearing my dress and we had music and cake and danced…It was the best thing we ever did 🙂 🙂 The only thing i think is worth spending money on is a good photographer coz pictures last forever…have good pictures and nothing else matters…I think i had the best wedding ever and i know i would tell everyone to do what i did. Some people were not very pleased with what we did but when you ask them now they say that we are the most reasonable and mature couple they’d ever seen and that we did the right thing. Don’t start your life with dept just to please some people…if you love him you will be happy just coz you married him 🙂 Good luck and congrats in advance 🙂

  2. Ms. X says:

    1. Never go into debt for a wedding. Debt is a bad way to start a marriage (and is unhealthy for single people too.)

    2. Never ask for help paying for a wedding. If you’re old enough to get married, you’re old enough to pay for your own wedding.

    3. If you want a wedding and can afford a smaller one, do not worry about offending anyone. Most people have best friends, friends, aquaintances, etc. Reasonable people know that weddings are expensive and the bride and groom can’t afford to invite everyone.

    4. It is not rude to have a winter wedding in a cold climate. However, they can be more problematic if there’s snow or ice. Thanksgiving or Christmas weddings can be problematic, as a lot of people make plans with their families–not always in or near your city or town. Also, if budgets are tight, giving a gift could be problematic for some guests.

    5. Your grandmother’s wedding ideas would work, but you have to make sure that’s what you really want to do. It’s your one and only wedding (per groom, anyway 🙂 and you and your groom need to do what’s right for you.

    6. Gifts? Who cares? Why is that even important? Your grandmother is quite right though: all the $$$ you put into paying for your guests/wedding, means you’re not likely to even break even in gifts. Will people not invited send gifts? In my case, I got 1 box of fancy French soap from 1 couple not invited to my wedding.

    As for me, both my husband and I enjoyed our wedding quite a bit. Also, it served as a family reunion for people across the country. We wouldn’t have done it any other way. We had a nice band and string quartet. But we did save money by limiting it to 80 or so people, having a daytime luncheon wedding, no bridesmaids or groomsmen. It was completely worth the cost–great experience. Also, in my family there have been a lot of illnesses and several funerals the last few years–was nice to have people together for a positive occasion.

  3. Tricia R says:

    We also had little money and our parents weren’t offering any help. This is what I wish we had done: Ask my parents if we could have a small reception at their house, limit the guest list to 25 from his family and 25 from mine(as my parents’ home would have accommodated 50 people), and if the family asked if they could do something to help with the reception, ask them to bring food, flowers, or beverages. This reception would not have cost my husband and me anything, and I think that our families would have been willing to give us that much help. One thing that I do not advocate is a bride and groom waiting around for their parents to offer to help. That did not work out for us.

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