The Bride offered to pay for bridesmaid dress….AND THEN changed HER MIND!?! WTF?

April 15th, 2010

Ok, let me calm down..Well here is the situation. My cousin is getting married (he is very close to me and my family). In fact, we are considered to be the “grooms family” and acting as such when it comes to financial responsibilities. His family is …well nonexistent in his life. Anyways…… forward to the story. The bride (which we are all familiar with) asked me to be a part of the wedding. She said “next week is the fitting for the dresses and its all paid for, all you have to do is come and try on the dress”. I was a little hesistent but I accepted on behalf of my cousin and I wanted to be a part of his day. So we (my mom and I) drive down to her area (3 hour drive) and try on the dress and meet the girls.

The dress is actually really pretty and I liked it. The whole time the bride and her friends are being catty and rude. And Im just trying to keep the peace, especially since I dont know them. Well anyways, the bride and Maid of honor, start saying what they want the wedding to look like and says she wants my hair up and doesnt like it the way it is now. blah blah blah.

I try on the dress and I come out and she looks at it and it needs some alterations. I get to the register, all the other girls are paying for their dresses. Im looking around for the bride and she is no where to be found. I start to walk around and look for her. And I asked her “I thought you said the dresses were paid for?” and she says “Oh yeah, they said there is not down payment plan, I thought it was, well now they need the money to be paid now, so we can order everything”.

I just looked at her like “WTF”!?!. Im a full time college student which in turn for me equals BROKE!! Well anyway, I had called my mom and she said I could use her card to pay. And I bought the dress. The other bridesmaids are older women whom are married with full time jobs. The bride is not even in college but she is like a 2 years older than me and working.

And then they asked me if I wanted to go out to dinner….lol lololo…lmao…I was like YEAH right!!

Well anyways, the bride and her group gave me the run down of events and dates during the time of the fitting. Which are all very close and the wedding isnt til next summer. Is it just me or are they being a LITTLE inconsiderate about telling me things and what about the bride LYING to me.

I dont know what to do about any of this. Im really just in this for my cousin, but its already really frustrating to me. I understand the bride is under stress, but what is acceptable and how should I respond to their last minute requests?!! What should I say to her, if anything?
I wanted to add, I do have a job and Its just right now Im getting things ready for school and Im sort of in the red area.

I just didnt expect to pay, when she said it was PAID FOR. What if my mom was not there to help me pay.

by the way “Im a freshman in college”
The Bride was at the fitting and she is the one that told me that “She is no longer paying, because the store does not offer a payment plan…it needs to be ordered now”
Once, I found the bride…she came to the register and told me that she is NOT PAYING ANYMORE. She was hiding from me

6 Responses to “The Bride offered to pay for bridesmaid dress….AND THEN changed HER MIND!?! WTF?”

  1. Unsure says:

    Tell her you paid for the dress and you thought she said everything was piad for and just wanted to make sure you didnt pay double for the dress! i just got married in Dec and there were alot of misunderstands and i wasnt a rude bride but my bridemaids except my maid of honor paid for their dresses. But its a very stressful time maybe she forgot she said that or maybe she did pay for it and the person that you paid didnt know that? I would ask her just to make sure you didnt get jipped!

  2. Nina E says:

    calm down and ask her why she did not tell you the truth
    @Blunt:are you kidding me?my sister just got married and she is the one who paid for the BM are talking BS!!!

  3. Blunt says:

    BM a bridesmaid is not only an honor, but also an EXPENSE. It;s unfortunate that you were not aware of that. As a BM you are exoected to pay for yoru own attire, fix yoru hair, go to the beauty salon and get yoru make up done, pay for her shower, give her a shower present, host teh bachelorette party, show up to all the fittings and activities and last, but nt least, give her a wedding present.

    All of those responsabilities are added to being a member of the bridal party. You should have taken this into consideration before accepting. Also, the bride should have taken your finacial state before asking you to be a BM.

    IMO, if you can’t afford it, then you should decline being a BM. When I got married, I was as considarate as possible to my BM and also helped paid for a big chunk of on BM expenses.

    You should tell her: Dear X, while I’m honored that you picked me as yoru BM , I just wanted to let you know that I’m not fianancially ready to take on some of these responsabilities/activities. I reaaly made an extra effort to pay for the dress and I will be here for you, howevere, I’m unable at this time to do/pay for X, Y and Z because I do not have the money. You have the option of either releiveing me of my duties or understand that I’m unable to pay for all of this. I’m sorry

    Good luck

  4. rpoplasky says:

    I would explain to her and your cousin your financial situation. Just explain that the cost of the dress was a surprise. Tell her that you want to be involved, and to avoid costly surprises like this in the future, you’d appreciate being clued in on all the upcoming details. Suggest that the bridal party all exchange e-mail addresses. Maybe her maid of honor can send monthly updates of all the details to the bridal party. And from now on, even if she says something is paid for, find out the cost anyway. If you couldn’t afford to do it alone, politely decline.
    be careful with the bridal shower. The bridal party may plan a big affair and just tell you the amount to contribute afterwards. Be firm before the event about how much you can contribute, if anything. If they are grown women, they should understand your position. If they don’t, don’t worry. You don’t need to make them your friends, you need to protect your wallet. Discuss it with your cousin so that he knows you are only concerned about your finances, not that you aren’t being supportive.

  5. Mrs. Holly 2010 says:

    Why the hell did this girl ask you to be a bridesmaid if she doesn’t know you that well and it seems like she doesn’t really give a crap if she puts others in a bad position. Being a college student like you, i understand that you can’t just pull $100 out of your pocket every time someone sticks their hand out. Especially if you are married and in college. Those women who are her other bridesmaids probably have husbands that work at well paying jobs and plus they work so it is no big deal to blow $300 a day on bull. If the bride has already offered to pay for the dress and now changed her mind that is just bad planning, research and speaking too soon on her part. That is good that your mom was there because otherwise you would have been up a creek without a paddle. I do understand that when someone gets married, it tends to force not only the bride and groom, but others around them into lots of obligations. She probably just asked you because you are marrying her cousin. Since you have already paid for the dress it is a little too late to decline her offer, but if you feel that you need to find out if it is refundable. I wouldn’t want to be someones bridesmaid who treated me like that. Good luck

  6. Lets C says:

    My wife and i think it is wrong you pay for your own dress ,the bride asks you to do her the honor .We would just keep the peace for your cousins sake in time you will not feel the cost.

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