Maid of Honor Speech (I DESPISE the groom)?

March 25th, 2010

I am the maid of honor in my sister’s wedding. I cant stand her fiance. He is extremely controlling and she is totally adapting to whatever he wants. She has made this whole wedding planning thing miserable. His family comes from a different culture than ours and she is just always making sure that everything they want is done, without worrying about her family at all. ie. having his ethnicity’s cuisine served at the reception. Also, she has dictated everything the bridesmaid do. The dress, the hair, make up, everything. Yet she is not open to any suggestions from us. Also, I planned a huge shower for both of them and paid for everything and he didnt even as much as say thank you. I have helped her every step of the way and i dont feel appreciated at all. Theres a million things i could list about why i cant stand him but the bottom line is I’m having a very difficult time writing a speech that is either not personal at all or packed with lies. Please Help!!! What do i say?

19 Responses to “Maid of Honor Speech (I DESPISE the groom)?”

  1. Kel says:

    Just talk about your sister and what a wonderful person she has grown up to be. Focus the speech around your sister. Then mention best wishes to her and her new husband.

  2. Caity says:

    Suck it up. The wedding is about her and not you. Basically lie. Say how happy you are for her and how wonderful she looks. Don’t focus on how you feel about him…focus on how she feels on her wedding day. You can always bad mouth him if they get a divorce!

  3. Suz says:

    So don’t talk about him. Don’t talk about him at all. Talk about your relationship with her. Talk about growing up with your sister. Tell a cute (or funny!) story about her.

    Then at the end of talking about sis . . . say: “X, you are getting a great woman here. I want you two to know that I wish you both much happiness always.”

    Wishing your sister happiness in her marriage is not a lie. You don’t have to say anything personal at all about Mr. X.

  4. me says:

    maid of honors dont necissarily need to give speeches. i was a brides maid in my friends wedding and the maid of honor gave a speech and everyone laughed at her. so just be careful. people really can be ruthless. so if you dont feel comfortable, tell your sister.

  5. Ready says:

    You should talk to your sis before the event to ensure that you don’t have a freak out and diss her during the speech– talk about your sister- what she deserves and things like that. And that you want her to be happy- because that is all that really matters right? Her being happy? Good Luck~

  6. IamMARE says:

    I’m sorry. The only thing I can say to you, is just talk about growing up with your sister. Don’t really mention him at all. Some people might think it’s a little odd, but if done correctly, it’s just a ‘walk down memory lane’ for the 2 of you.

    Good luck!

  7. hollywoodmelody says:

    Make your speech personal by thinking of how it was when you and your sister were little girls and how you would make believe about how your special day would be. What you both would consider for flowers, special family members and whether you would disagree about what you both wanted in a man. No negatives allowed, no tone of voice just make it as sincere as can be for your sister and not dwell on the groom. You won’t disrespect the other culture as your sister has done her best in honoring them. Now is the time to let your sister know (albeit quietly) how happy you are about her decisions and that you only wish the best for her. If you chose to put something in for the groom (out of respect) just state that although not everyone may understand the difference in cultures but that they have chosen to blend traditions with respect to each others heritages.

  8. Megs says:

    Ok Ok… I understand this is a VERY difficult time for YOU right now… My sister got married in Sept of 06 and drove me nuts… We had a lot of issues with the grooms family too… the only diff was it wasn’t the groom that was the problem it was his mother!! Just as bad trust me… All you really have to say in the speech is how much you care for your sister… talk about her good points… about the relationship YOU and her have not him and her… and then tell her how happy you are that SHE found someone SHE loves… no need to even mention him except for that part and then you are telling the truth as well… this is her decision so ur happy shes happy… even if ur not happy with WHO she loves lol… the maid of honors speech is for the bride… he has a best man to talk him up dont even stress… you have enough to worry about… good luck

  9. ashe says:

    just be plastic,, it always works for me…

  10. midnitekitten13 says:

    This is a tough one… i honestly wouldn’t give a speech at all. Only the BM is supposed to anyways it’s not mandatory for the maid of honor to do it. If you still want to talk about your sister and how you’re happy that she’s found the man she wants to be with and that you wish them the best, don’t elaborate. If you have nothing nice to say just make it short and sweet.

  11. mgerben says:

    Basically you feel bad personally. Most complaints actually are about yourself.

    A wedding day or speech are not the time and place to get your own back.
    It’s not your wedding, it will NOT get appreciated and the chances that her husband will be shamed into crying for your forgiveness are completely zero.

    You may feel better but you’ll make things worse for her.
    So don’t give in to your desire to satisfy your sense of revenge. Not now.

  12. Linds1982 says:

    I Agree with **k** just talk about how much you love her and care about her. Maybe talk about funny little stories from the past…and just end it with “I hope you have a wonderful marriage”.

  13. Shandi says:

    Well, I don’t know what to tell you to say, but as for her dictating the way you girls need to dress, do their hair, make-up, and everything else. This is HER wedding, and she has this ONE day (and it sounds like this one thing) she has control over. Come on, she is probably in shambles over everything already. Don’t be so selfish.
    As for the guy, say stuff about your sister mostly and wish them the best at the end of the speech. The Best Man has a speech too. Let him do the taking about the groom.

  14. kill_yr_television says:

    Just find a positive speech about marriages and weddings in general and close by wishing the couple an eternity of love and happiness. This isn’t about your personal feelings, it’s about the guests and family members enjoying the event and going home with pleasant memories.

    If you can’t find a good “one size fits all” speech on-line, visit your local library. The reference librarians will be very helpful if your research skills are rusty.

  15. June bride says:

    Damn if I were the bride you would not have been the maid ot honor. For that role you should respect both and give her your respect.

  16. Future Mrs. RJRG says:

    If I did not support someones relationship, I would not be in their wedding party…

    But becuase it’s too late for that, here are some options:
    1) Don’t give a speech
    2) Just talk about how your sister has grown from a girl into a beautiful woman and wish her the best in married life.
    3) Have her write it if she is really that “controlling”

    Maybe your sister likes all her fiance’s ideas, and that is why she sides with him on everything.

  17. *Getting Married 6-15-08* says:

    the MOH is to there to support the bride on the wedding day and the COUPLE after the wedding.

    i would tell your sister you can’t be the MOH.

  18. Fingerscrossed says:

    This is a very difficult situation for you I can see. However, your role as Maid of Honor is to support your sister, the bride, and this is what you have already done by helping her and planning a shower.

    For your Maid of Honor speech concentrate on your relationship with your sister, refer to fond memories or humorous experiences you have shared. Read a poem or quote which refers to married life or offers marital advice, and propose a toast. You don’t have to really say very much about the Groom at all, the Best Man will do that in his speech.
    For more ideas about what to say have a look at this website.
    http://www.squidoo.com/maid_of_honor_speeches

    As for the bridesmaid dresses, hair and make up. Let your sister have her way, accept it with good grace, I’m sure this will be appreciated by your sister even if she doesn’t say anything. We often forget to thank close family for all the things they do for us. In her heart I’m sure she will appreciate your support and goodwill. To see your sister happy on her wedding day will probably make up for all the resentment that you are feeling at the moment, and knowing that you have helped and supported her will make you feel good too.

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