Is it wrong to feel disappointed about one of your wedding gifts?

March 25th, 2010

I know the bride and groom shouldn’t expect their guests to give gifts at all and I know they should be happy with anything they receive. But one of the gifts we received bums me out.

My aunt, uncle, and two teenage children attended our wedding and gave us a $15 crockpot. They are very wealthy so I was somewhat shocked at the gift (which wasn’t on the registry since we already have a crockpot). I see them probably 6-8 times a year. When their daughter graduated 2 months ago I gave her a check for $50, even though I was short of cash with all the wedding planning going on. Since every single one of their plates cost way more than $15 I’m surprised and disappointed by their inexpensive gift. And it’s not just the price – it’s also that fact they they bought something off registry that we have no use for. Is it wrong that I feel this way? I know I should just let it go but for some reason it really hurts me.
To clarify: we did not ask for the crockpot, it was not on our registry, and we already have one that is bigger and nicer than the one we received.
No gift receipt but Target has the same exact model so I’m going to try to return it there.
You’re way off base, Celticwarrior. I would have loved to receive a homemade gift – at least it would have been thoughtful and shown a little effort.

17 Responses to “Is it wrong to feel disappointed about one of your wedding gifts?”

  1. BabeHeart says:

    I can see being a bit disappointed but let it go and either donate it to charity, or save it to re-gift down the road (which may well be why you have it now).

    Some people are thoughtless gift givers…hopefully this won’t cause a rift between you and those family members.

  2. oy vey says:

    Honestly, these things happen. Let it go. No sense in stewing (no crock pot pun intended) over it now. Their wealth may not be as apparant as it seems. They could be having hard times too.

    You could always give the next daughter a crock pot for her dorm room 😉

  3. buggzzy says:

    i think it’s fine to feel that way…..when i comes time to give them another gift or something i’d do sumthing simple just like they did..I’m not a picky person and i love to cook so this gift would be fine with me till the fact i was short on cash and gave them all i could comes into play

  4. nora r says:

    You might be a little bummed about it, but ,lol, you will use it^_^. (If you don’t, send it to me, I need a crock pot). Remember, it’s the thought that counts.

  5. MeKalah says:

    It’s o.k. to feel that way, but it’s usually not o.k. to say anything about it because a gift is that a GIFT. Trust me my aunts always give me cheap stuff. I just accept it and let it go because that’s their character. You be the better person and give better gifts to people you care about.

  6. Brian's Wife says:

    I know how you feel-I hated most of my wedding gifts -no one even looked at my registry -that’s why I didn’t feel bad at all when I took everything back & got what I wanted & needed!

  7. rotorhead says:

    Sure you can feel disappointed. But in a few years, you won’t even remember it. Also know this, some people are just lousy gift givers (don’t equate it with cheap). They just are not any good at choosing a gift. Let it slide, stick it on a shelf for a year or so. In the meantime, someone may come along who could really use a small crock pot.

    I have been looking at the worlds ugliest glass picture frame in my living room now for almost 11 years. the damn thing probably weighs about 5 lbs. My wife has our wedding picture in it. The real bummer is, we got TWO of them.

  8. rnwallace07 says:

    No, it is not wrong to feel the way you do. You seem to have more grace and etiquette than they do, so maybe you can give them the benefit of the doubt of not knowing your registry. I have known quite a few people like your relatives, but I chalk it up to them being that way. I know it hurts you, with them being “wealthy” relatives, but try to be happy with your husband and all that you have now. In time, the hurt may not go away, but it will ease up.

  9. Barbara B says:

    Dear one – by your own post you admit to KNOWING all about gifts etc. etc. etc.

    That said – let’s look at this very coldly.

    Giving your cousin $50 that you couldn’t afford for graduating was your choice. Nobody held a gun to your head.

    You had control over your registry. Why did you have an item that you really didn’t need on the list?

    Expecting people to “cover the cost of their plate” with some kind of “payment” in the form of a gift is way off base. Way way way off base. I have no idea who came up with that myth – but they’re wrong. And you are wrong for having that attitude.

    Bottom line: yes, it’s VERY WRONG to feel this way. It’s rude and selfish and you are running the risk of appearing to be an ungrateful, greedy bride.

    Now that’s not who you REALLY are. I’m positive of that. So dry the tears and try this recipe:
    Into a dry crock-pot:
    Nice bottom round roast – trim the fat.
    1-2 TSP spicy grill seasoning salt
    1-3 cloves of crushed garlic
    Put lid on crockpot and set LO for 8 hours (or overnight).
    When roast is thoroughly done, shred with a forks or slice as neatly as possible into thin slices. Save the juice.
    Slice up a big onion and slowly cook in a little olive oil – until tender and mushy
    Arrange meat onto split hoagie buns and add some of the cooked onions.

    Ladle the meat juices into little dishes for dipping.

    Invite your aunt/uncle & cousins over for supper and enjoy their company…

  10. fizzygurrl1980 says:

    Well, you’re not the first bride ever to be stuck with a Crock-Pot from cheapskate relatives. Fundamentally, you should be happy with whatever you get, and “it’s the thought that counts, blah blah blah…” but sure, if I have been more than generous with relatives whom I know aren’t strapped for cash, I would expect more than a Crock-Pot, but that’s just the way it goes sometimes. As the old kindergarten saying goes, “You get what you get, and you don’t throw a fit.” See if you can return it- lots of groovy appliances for $15 at the Wal-Mart that you probably don’t have yet.

  11. Chris says:

    Yeah just let it go. Can you return it? We always put a gift receipt in with the gift so the couple can get what they really need or want.

  12. mlt says:

    i understand how you feel b/c its family and all and they didnt put any thought or effort into your wedding gift, the only thing to do is jsut return the gift and put the $15 towards something you wanted and needed!!

  13. Sondra D says:

    No, it’s not wrong to be disappointed and even insulted. This WAS what I consider to be an insulting gift—period! And believe me, these people KNOW the value of money. It was an insult. Don’t give another thought to the thank-you card that you sent them, which I’m sure got accidently lost in the mail. ***By the way, I like the re-gifting idea. It would be a great wedding gift for their teenagers.

  14. celticwarrior_amazonwoman says:

    I would say the only thing that makes sense there is that you specifically had no crockpot on your registry, and couples put together a registry so they get things they need.
    On the other note: Giving gifts is not a competition. It’s about thoughtful unconditional gesture of kindness. What do you do, ask everyone you know for their income tax statement to see how much they made? And then record dollar for dollar what you spend on people and make sure everyone knows ‘well ‘i’ spent this on that person and I was totally broke at the time so they should give this amount of a gift because of what ‘I’ gave them, plus they’re rich. Feel free to give thumbs down on this perspective. It won’t make me lose sleep at night. You will know if you do get defensive that old adage, if the truth hurts. The very fact that you bring up how much ‘you’ spent on ‘them’ and ‘you’ were broke at the time, shows really what your true character is. How exactly does one look at oneself in the mirror and not feel totally ashamed?
    The $15 plate is also a mystery to me. There is no law or rule set out for gift givers at weddings that the cost of their wedding gift has to somehow match the cost of their meal. If there were, what if you had a bunch of people invited and they all said no we can’t come because we can’t afford your wedding? HELLO it’s your party you’re throwing and you invite people. You don’t ask for ‘donations’ whether they’re in the form of gifts or something else.
    I would hate to see your reaction to homemade gifts, since they have no ‘real’ dollar value. Poor people who even bother putting any thought into giving you gifts at all, for fear that it won’t be acceptable or they didn’t spend enough money on you.

  15. H.L.A. says:

    Not at all! I actually went through a very similar experience, I’ll try to keep it short.

    My husband and I got married 3 years ago, we too had a registry. However his Aunt and Uncle who are also very well off purchased a gift not on our registry, they knew very well we had one, and the gift they gave us was a $15 knife set with a thin cutting board from Benny’s (registry at Target had a nice knife block that was already purchased and there were still plenty of things left not bought so I know it wasn’t because there was just nothing left to pick from). Not to mention his relatives are all about quality this and quality that so we were so shocked they bought us something like that. They fell apart and bent with first use.

    It may be they “think” that you already have all you need, even if you have plenty of things needed on your registry. Perhaps, and I hate to say it this way, they don’t like you, maybe you or your husband rubbed them the wrong way? Or maybe they are just heartless. You have to put yourself in their shoes and figure out if they may have been going through a difficult time. If they weren’t then they probably just don’t care. And if they don’t care then there is no reason you should either. But just remember it was a gift, as little as it was, so treat it like one. If it bothers you that much why not approach them and ask why they chose to buy it. Say something that you feel they’re just throwing anything at you because they can afford to and it would have been nice if the gift was more meaningful (and not just cash wise, as you were saying, even something homemade would have been nice).

  16. amyhpete says:

    Notwithstanding everything else if you might have a family gathering like at Thanksgiving you might hold on to the second crock pot actually. Only my $0.02. We did not have a registry and received two crockpots from our wedding. We were told that my husband`s aunt and uncle (not well off but got us an okay Crock Pot as far as I was concerned) heard of it and were very gracious insisting that we go visit them and return the crock pot and they exchanged it for some reasonably nice mixing bowls. Happy happy.

    Later I have added a second crock pot to my kitchen.

    I do know how you feel about the other. People can be clueless I guess. My mom died when I was sixteen and her brother was executor of her estate. For reasons I will not go into he also got 1/4 of her estate and my granddad got 1/4 and I as her minor child got only 1/2 in a trust with uncle as trustee. No desire to go into that.

    My dad tried to get my uncle to use my 1/2 to help pay for college and he refused and there was back and forth with lawyers too.

    I saw no reason on earth the wealthiest people I knew personally should have 1/2 of my mother`s estate but…whatever.

    So this aunt and uncle did give me a few thousand dollars of my money that was specified in the will as being on the event of my marriage. However they went to the furniture store and got us a $200 brass lamp. Nice but I know they got more for her nieces and nephews who had their own mothers where I did not.

    So…I know it sounds petty but I can see where you are coming from on a deeper level.

  17. Lydia says:

    Yes, it’s really sad that this is affecting you like this at all.
    Maybe you don’t realize that people do not HAVE to bring a gift to a wedding at all – you are to have invited people to be your guests, to celebrate with you on your wedding day.
    Any gift is a bonus, and should be accepted graciously and gratefully.
    I can’t wait to see your draft of the thank you card!

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