I know its a lot, but is this good?

April 11th, 2010

I’m thirteen and wrote this when I was around eleven and just found it on my computer so was I any good at age eleven? (A guys point of view by the way)

Most people freak out when their parents get divorced, but I was not one of them. I was actually happy about it. My father abused my mother a lot and he always got drunk. I think the divorce was the best part of my life. The worst part, however, was that throughout the years my mother has gone on twenty different dates with all different men. My mother never gave them a second date, mainly because they never gave her a second date. I sort of scared them away by dressing up all goth and going out to meet them. Turns out none of the guys were really big fans of scary looking kids, but I suppose that was a good thing, for me. I did not want my mother to even think about hooking up with another guy. My dad was bad enough, who knows how the others could turn out.
*****

I woke up early in the morning, enjoying the feeling of being able to lay in bed without a worry of being late for school. I think this was what I loved most about summer, sleeping in. Though I would have loved to lie in bed for an eternity, my stomach had other ideas. I sighed and sat up. I ran my fingers through my black hair, and got up. I walked over to my dresser and pulled out a pair of black jeans and a pink Pink Floyd shirt. I slipped in my lips rings and when down stairs.
I poured a glass of orange juice and plopped some toast into the toaster. I looked outside the window and noticed something. The usually empty house next door had a small car and two large moving vans in its driveway. I watched as a tall man with blonde hair walked outside from the house to grab more boxes. A short girl with brown hair and blue eyes who did not look happy followed him. Her eyes flickered over to mine; I quickly ducked down behind my sink. Just then, my toast popped and I jumped. I slowly peeked out the corner of the window and she was just walking back inside. Feeling silly for acting the way I did I took my toast out and threw them on a plate and grabbed my orange juice.
After finishing my breakfast I decided to go outside with my sketch pad. Normally it is too rainy and gray to go outside, but today was warm and dry and it was a perfect time to go sit up in my tree and sketch anything I could find. It took little to no time at all to hop up onto my favorite branch and look out, searching for something to sketch. My eyes kept wondering over to the moving trucks, scanning for the girl, but I did not see her. I gave up on her so I decided to sketch a bird that slept lazily few branches away. I started with the shape of her body and just let myself go. I did not even think about what I was drawing, instead my thoughts changed over to my new neighbors. The man appeared to be the girl’s father, but he looked nothing like her, and where was her mother? Did she have divorced parents too?
Just then I felt as if a heavy cloud fell over me, though the sky was still clear. I immediately identified the feeling as the feeling of being watched. I looked around, hoping that it was not who I thought it was. I glanced over toward the house next door and sure enough the girl was sitting in the small swing in the front yard. When she saw that I was looking back she quickly looked down at the ground, her hair falling in front of her face. I shrugged it off and returned to my drawing. When I looked down at the paper I nearly had a heart attack. Though I did not have a heart attack, I did jump enough to fall out of the tree, my sketchpad landed a few feet away.
“Ah!” I yelped. Sitting up carefully to inspect myself. Nothing broken.
“Are you ok?” a quiet voice asked. I looked up and saw that the girl was standing in front of me, holding my sketchpad out to me.
“Uh, yeah, I think,” I said, a little unsure.
“What happened?” She asked.
“I don’t really know. I guess I was a little surprised,” I answered. I quickly reached out for the pad, hoping that she hadn’t looked at it.
“Oh. My name is Amy,” she said, holding out her hand.
“Brandon,” I replied, taking it. She pulled me on my feet and smiled.
“So what were you surprised about. Must have been a big surprise to make you fall out of a tree,” she giggled.
“Uh I, uh,” I stuttered. I could not tell her the truth but I was no good at lying.
“I was just startled,” I admitted.
“Does it have to do with your drawing? Did it turn out bad or something?” She asked.
“Not bad….” I trailed off.
“Really good?”
“I guess you could say that,” I chuckled.
“Anyway, I just moved here and I don’t really know anyone here so I was wondering if you would want to hang out sometime. I mean unless you would rather fall out of trees all day,” She giggled.
“Yeah it’s a hobby of mine,” I joked, “Yeah sure.”
“Well I had better go to unpack before my dad flips,” she sighed.
“Ok, well I guess I will see you around.”

5 Responses to “I know its a lot, but is this good?”

  1. Chick-a-dee21497 says:

    I like it u have good potential

  2. Daniel says:

    Its good has lots of detail. You should write more. I’ll look for your books

  3. lbee says:

    that’s really good for an eleven year old. and the best part is… you will get better and better as the years progress.
    you have some serious potential. just keep up with your writing and you will be great!
    have a good day.
    lbee

  4. Hermes says:

    For an eleven year old, sure, it was alright. However, regardless how much, you are a little older. Try editing it and then posting it back on here, so we get a taste of how the thirteen-year-old you writes. Then we can judge it a little better.

    However, I must say, I’m not liking the whole gothic look (unless, of course, there’s a specific reason for it). Just make sure there aren’t any unnecessary details thrown in there in order to make it seem “cooler”.

  5. Clarie says:

    Its very good! you were eleven?? the only remotly bad thing i have to say about it is that you started a lot of your sentances with the word “I”. just fix this and your good to go!!

    PS: you know Viviana? I’m her cousin ^_^ She told me you were a good writer, but being ME, Clarie, I had to see for myself. I really like your writing. Your very good ^_~

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