Has anyone had problems with wedding RSVP’s?

April 6th, 2010

I sent out my wedding invitations about 3 wks ago, and out of 140 about 15 have RSVP’d! Now there are a few very close family members that I assume will definitly be there, but they should still respond just in case. I don’t know if they have guests or what! The have a week left, but I am so nervous that I am planning this big thing and have like 30 ppl there. Do people normally not rsvp and still come? My fiance’s family consists of over half and not a one has responed, but they all showed up to his brothers wedding last year with 8 days notice! Is it that hard to put a card in the mail? If it is then they can even do it on our website! This is so frustrating.

Also, would it be tacky to send an email or type a facebook message reminding people to RSVP? I really don’t want to call 100 people 2 weeks before the wedding. I have a million things to do already:(

11 Responses to “Has anyone had problems with wedding RSVP’s?”

  1. Libby says:

    Are you anywhere near the “reply by” date you put on your card?

    The bulk of my RSVPs came in the week of my reply-by date. Some came in after. Quite a few I had to call/email/facebook on. Some people honestly don’t know if they can attend until it’s really close to the event itself.

  2. kathy e says:

    This is very common. That is why I had a buffet style so that I could accommodate those that didn’t respond. You can send out the emails but don’t expect much. Sorry,but it sounds like you and your fiance have very inconsiderate relatives. If you don’t want to worry about how many will be at the reception and who will tell them they can’t eat then work with caterer to see about how to change the menu. You really don’t need that worry on your wedding day.

  3. Sarah says:

    Unless it is within one week of your reply by date then you should not begin calling or emailing people. If you do not have a reply by date then it is your fault if they never get back to you. Some people might not even know yet if they can come or have the funds to come yet.

  4. Mybooboo says:

    I am so going through the same thing honey. My guest have one more week left, Please send them all a message, give them a phone call, or email them, do not wait til the last minute because us like brides have too much to do at the last minute, we dont need more stress or more work. It sucks we have to wait til almost the end to finish all the last minute preparations. Go for it. Congrats adn Good Luck to you. 🙂

  5. BlueViolet says:

    “Has anyone had problems with wedding RSVP’s?” Probably everyone who’s ever been married! =) I understand your frustration. People can be so rude! It’s not that hard– the RSVP’s are typically already stamped and addressed anyway. And it’s a hassle to call everyone. What is the RSVP date? I say, give it a week after the RSVP date (for those late in the mail) and use that as your final headcount. Then, there is absolutely no reason you have to do all the calling. Buy a few pizzas and recruit your wedding party (they’re there to help…) & parents. Let them make some calls, too!

    As for Facebook… Wait until one day after the RSVP date and then sent individual messages (don’t create a group) and say something like,

    “Hey (name), how are you? (Husband’s name) and I sent you an invitation a few weeks ago and never heard from you. The RSVP date was yesterday. Do you plan on coming? I need to know by (give a specific date– up to a week after the original RSVP) so I can let the caterer know.”

    The reason I say not to make a group is b/c people will invite their friends, which gets annoying. People may think it’s tacky– but they don’t have room to talk; they were rude & inconsiderate to your deadline.

    Plan enough food for 5% more people that the number that has verified attendance.

  6. Rachel-waiting for 11/21/09 says:

    A lot will come the last week. My reply-by date is this Monday and we are still missing 20 RSVP’s (about 30 people). It was very stressful last week, we were missing HALF! But this week the have really poured in quickly.

    I wouldn’t contact people until after the reply-by date, technically they are not late until after that date, so you don’t want to come off looking pushy. But I know I am planning to start making calls the NEXT day from the due date! We need to know, it’s not unreasonable to ask to know by the specific date.

    You WILL have to make some calls, everyone does, but you don’t have to make them alone. We have already talked to our parents, and for aunts and uncles, and their friends that haven’t responded, they have told us they will be calling them the day after the cut-off and getting the information next week. We will only have to contact our friends that haven’t responded.

    We invited 140 and at first we got the obvious replies (parents, siblings) back the first week, and then it really slowed down, to like 1 or 2 only per week. We gave everyone 5 weeks to respond, and some people took nearly the WHOLE time.

    I have heard sometimes people who are planning to come just don’t respond, but I cannot imagine that is anywhere near the majority, just because it is kind of rude to not respond and think people will just assume “of course I’m coming”. But ALL 6 of my dad’s sisters (plus partners) came to my bridal shower, talked about how excited they were about the wedding, and that they would “see me at the wedding” despite the fact that I have received NONE of their responses with 2 days to go!

    You really can’t do anything until the reply-by date. Just get a plan together for making the calls, and recruit family and bridal party to do so.

  7. 4REEE says:

    Oh yes!

    People procrastinate. That’s the rat race world we live in.

    We invited 235 people, and 130 were able to attend our wedding:

    130 / 235 = 55%

    In terms of RSVPs, of the 235 people invited (these are mutually exclusive events):

    18 had to be reminded via e-mail before they would RSVP ( 7.7% )

    10 had to be personally called via telephone before they would RSVP ( 4.2% )

    2 had to be personally visited at their home before they would RSVP! ( 0.9% )

    1 couple from (b) did not receive their invite in the mail (but they were able to attend after the phone call we made)

    Of the 38 out-of-town guests that we invited, 6 were able to attend ( 15.8% )
    or 32 / 235 = 13.2% of the total could not attend.

    When it gets closer to the time that you must have answers, my advice to you is to start “pulling some teeth.” Start sending e-mail reminders, make phone calls, even personal visits.

    Good luck.


  8. Brave new girl says:

    Ahh.. the non responders. I’m glad to know they aren’t just in mine and my husband’s families!

    My husband actually sent an email out to his friends saying that even though we knew that a lot of them were coming, we need to know guests too and get all of that down on our list. So they all ended up sending in their RSVP’s. Try doing that with your family- have your mom or dad spread the word on their side of the family that you really need acurate numbers and it’s important for them to send in the RSVP card.

    I would skip the facebook message and send out an email instead. It’s a little more serious:) Good luck!

  9. lalala says:

    I think everyone has a few stragglers who RSVP towards the end of the deadline or after.

    The most appropriate thing to do would be to call people. Sending out a message on Facebook may come off as passive aggressive since it’s hard to tell what your tone is online.

  10. MathNerd says:

    Yes I had the same problem. I think so does every bride. I actually think it’s more pushy to call because you’re putting people on the spot. Instead I would use facebook or email, especially since you have a wedding website since you can include a link. I would NOT wait until after the deadline either. You should instead say that you hope they got the invite and it didn’t get lost in the mail. Then just say you hope to hear from them soon or something along those lines. I don’t think family would ever think you are pushy, they really just appreciate the reminder because they are so caught up in every day life. My mom sent an email out like that with the link and within 3 days I received over 40 responses online. It is completely frustrating though so good luck.

  11. Extra Cheese, Please! says:

    I had a huge problem with that too, I had to call and ask my FMIL to call her friends and family to ask, and had my mom call our side of the family. My wedding is next week and I sent in my final head count three times already and then my grandmother is like” so and so is coming, by the way” and they weren’t even on the list, or said they weren’t coming.

    It is not that hard to check yes or no, the # attending, and write the name on a respond card. It’s already addressed and stamped too! Definitely the most frustrating part of the wedding so far. I’m sure next week you will get a bunch in, and some people that know you know will be there feel like they don’t need to send it in. Just have some family call, and call a few yourself.

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